Goldmund e some time;  t; one of tay  adultery for t of love—ely after of ten?quot; Not one o stay, not one o take o s of ted at it to any of tioned ,   remember a single opped longing in t. Still, it seemed a little odd and sad t love o be so extremely s-lived  it iated as rapidly as it   s   iful but did not  because tled error of t solely because of sometty doll, to o ts, only to run back to tere of tings t aed t tell.

    groired of learning from ually  more drao girls, to t   most young girls  of reacimid and ected. But  ure, a icular play, o everytiable and pliable as a co every seduction: and only for t reason  o drao   , o eace and patient  and greedy  time, or again artful and knoo le, to sigo be ce, to be s  s prompt o do. t any elligent senses soon perceived in  made heir darling.

    All time  time s of love, absorbed to see iplicity, o feel, to touco smell tive to every tone of voice; ain ain tone infallibly told ype and scope of ties. it e variety: ened to ts of t of a knee. o tell one type of ly probing fingers, one kind of skin, of doe soon o notice t tinguis o o learn and exercise t of recognizing and differentiating still more subtly, more profoundly, er variation. Periny o learn to knoo learn love in a til ion, to play not only one, but t number of instruments. But to  to learn Latin and logic  being particularly gifted for eit ed for love, for ty learning;  a ted and classified itself.

    Goldmund ead of a prosperous knigiful young daug umn; soon ts ting cool. aste of cold  autumn and er and  t in er. , esy, and able and over to reated  as an equal. ters kept t doeen; t sixteen: Lydia and Julie.

    t day Goldmund ed to continue on  o iful blond young ladies, and t iced o stay. But after breakfast t dreold t filled ed, a ing desk  for ock of t exquisite paper and parc. By and by Goldmund learned t t  ely abandoned udies for til, during a grave illness, God ed o go on a pilgrimage and repent traveled as far as Rome and Constantinople, urn, ty, tled do ers, and no to e a detailed account of  pilgrimage. ten several cers, but—as o tin y; it antly. er if o correct and copy out all t ten so far, and also to e the book.

    Goldmund kneies of o be scorned eit most of all t of staying in tiful sisters for many monto come. it anot, er to unlock t t of fine bro and cap

    and kneil a fit,  of a page,  of a sman, ed him well.

    in  too rusty eitoget over all t ten. Goldmund not only corrected ty expressions;  ts clumsy, s sentences o pleasing Latin constructions, , consecutive tenses. It gave t great pleasure and  stingy  least two hours.

    Goldmund rouble passing ime in tle—ified farm ing, and sman augo use a crossboo a dog, or a nag, or to  old , or t art a love intrigue  .

    ook great joy in ts t so prim so Goldmund. reated bot respect and courtesy, but bot o be a continuous courts ely, stubborn one for reated ure of respect and mockery, as ter of learning. Sions, and also about er, but t irony in one, and ty of to everytreated Lydia like a lady and Julie like a little nun, and ained ttle longer t table after meals, or if Lydia spoke to side tted o tease ent and felt t he was making progress.

    t autumn tayed late on tall asyard and till asters in tors arrived. A neigempted to travel farter for t. teously received; Goldmunds bed  of t room into ting room; ors, cs ran to to get fisook part in tivities and tement; ely felt ticed erest in ain someticed erest  and remote s ce dinner t came to play able; ook great delig still greater delig tension c, ive, burning eyes. Finally  doo reac under table and touc and calf urn pale and bite inued to tell anecdotes from er days and felt ten intently, not so muco ories as to too, sat listening, er  ony face, altoo, ed by t burned in t asy sang in  it, eactle Julie  resistance and rejection, ts  satisfaction, and Lydia ion in , a mixture of deep longing, soft resistance, and t violent jealousy,  anso so s of love fluttered about ing, figher.

    After t ick, s ttle cloister ayed up for anot, tened ardently to tter t  net of give and take, of glances and intonations and small gestures o being, eaced mosp also felt disgust act on art. Afterening , , sure t togetion s rembling ement all t trayed knig surprise to t.

    t morning t, a  s declined all urging to stay longer and insisted on immediate departure. Lydia stood by ed. S s aant.

    trangers udy, epped to tc of tyard. to be making less progress in tin composition today. Goldmund racted; er released han usual.

    No one sayard.  t o ter and faster;  t cubble fields, s overgroting pine forest, and once again brownish.

    On tlined against tte, sitting rotting horse.

    ourned to arget, to tiful, fleeing woman. Soon ch her.

    turn o look at ly casually, srotted ao  t from the chase.

    quot;Lydia!quot; ly.

    there was no answer.

    quot;Lydia!quot;

    S.

    quot;iful t o cance, your railing after you like a golden flasning. t iful! o flee from me. ts tle. I didnt knoed until last nig o flee from me suddenly, I understood. You must be tired, my beauty, my love, lets dismount.quot;

    ion to keep e face looked do ed o tears. Carefully eps, made  doed grass, and knelt beside , fig bravely and overcame them.

    quot;O; so speak. Ster the words.

    quot;Am I so bad?quot;

    quot;You are a seducer of  me forget to me; t  does not become you to speak to me t  us forget t! But o forget to see last nig;

    quot;Last nig  nig;

    quot;Oop pretending, dont lie like t! It  able! Before me, under my eyes! And no ser me. You really dont know w s;

    Goldmund ted ting upid of  silent.

    by  iful and un oo, felt t to be deplored. But in spite of all sill saw love in han he believed her words.

    But sed an ans  fortook on an even more bitter expression. S  tearfully and repeated: quot;;

    quot;Forgive me,quot; ;ere talking about t s be talked about. It is my fault, forgive me. You ask if I  I also love you, and love kno be angry ;

    So  ter mouto tance, as tuation. t of using words.

    Gently  ely tact made tter. Yet  a little confused and sad, and soo seemed to be sad. S motionless, saying noto tance. All t and sadness! But ted  did not reject  took in tion Goldmund t s distinguiso iful, neatly rounded fingernails. Gratefully  o it.

    Noail and admired it;  almost as e fingers ion  it efully led o h his cheeks.

    t;Its time,  go.quot;

    enderly. Gently he kissed her slender fingers.

    quot;Please, get up,quot; s;e must go ;

    antly. tood up, mounted, rode.

    Goldmunds  iful Lydia was, e!  even kissed   so ss by hey rode briskly.

    Only at trance to t s;e s  time. ; And at t moment,  came running, sly in ;tell me if you   nig; imes and began unsaddling the horse.

    In ternoon, after , sudy.

    quot;Is it really true?quot; s once and  s.

    quot;But t, in t disgusting fas;

    quot;t ; ;Believe me, I  t your foot never came to me under table; it never asked me if I loved you.quot;

    quot;Do you really love me, Goldmund?quot;

    quot;Yes, indeed.quot;

    quot;But w will ;

    quot;I dont kno it. It makes me o love you. I dont t ;

    quot;A man is only alloo kiss  of t?quot;

    quot;No, Ive never t of t.  you cannot become my bride.quot;

    quot;ts true. And since you cannot become my ay  o speak to me about love. Did you t you o seduce me?quot;

    quot;I t and believed not t you migo kiss me. e talk so muc do t. I t love me.quot;

    quot;t te.quot;

    quot;And you did just te!quot;

    quot;I?  do you mean?quot;

    quot;First you fled before me  you loved me. t t  t  no be;

    quot;Im not like t roked yesterday. You seem to be accustomed to .quot;

    quot;No, tiful and refined t;

    quot;ts not .quot;

    quot;O its true. Dont you kno;

    quot;I ;

    quot; your fore your s your fingernails, at your knees? And iced  blends into and r, ed, taut, firm, very slender siced t?quot;

    quot;talk! Ive never noticed t, actually, but no you say it, I do knoen, you really are a seducer. Norying to make me vain.quot;

    quot; a s I can do not erested in making you vain? Youre beautiful and Id like to try to s Im grateful for your beauty. You force me to tell you  a times better   learn from you, nor you from me.quot;

    quot; is to learn from you?quot;

    quot;For me from you, Lydia, and for you from me. But you dont  to. You only  to love t you  learned anyt even o kiss.quot;

    quot;So you ;

    like  ly brusque, false-ringing talk, could sense desire taking possession of ing against it.

    less glance in o t  resistance,  o il t. Gently  anstle c let it go. Gently courting, reating moutil it atingly came back to meet aug violence til, exed, s  it rest, smelled  ender, calming sounds into  pupil, roduced to t by Lise, ting Jo  ance it came flas ed, it ime to bloom!

    Sloood up straigransformed, .

    quot;Let me go, Goldmund,quot; s;Ive stayed ;

    Every day t  ouced  imes so  imes, on trary, siably but  permit o toucruggling  s, ention of giving  joy; timidly s te fruit out of  and kissed it and s up again, still bluso  in a nely t day. ted names for eaco tell  en said t  marry ion s and draped h a black veil.

    For t time Goldmund felt not only desired by a  loved.

    Once Lydia said: quot;You are so  deep inside your eyes ty, t  exist and t all t is beautiful and lovely does not stay  beautiful eyes of anyone I kno. I t ts because youre o me out of t  Ill no longer ;

    alk. Sometimes  imes le caresses, only by  , , meaningless, magic sounds t nurses o comfort c;Id really like to knoen t it. Youll   be easy. Oimes I t to become a poet, a man ifully. A youll alter go back to ter to your friend of  be made to die alone in t.quot;

    S ,  eyes. But te-autumn land or ask  him.

    One niging for sleep.  ing in , brimming over  knoo do. tle at tomed to lying like t for quite some time before falling asleep; sleep  come. Softly, as oned a c to the Virgin:

    tu advocata peccatorum!

    et macula originalis non est in te.

    tu laetitia Israel,

    tu advocata peccatorum!

    its soft music to  at time tside, a song of strife and umn, of t of Lydia and of Narcissus and of less .

    Suddenly arted and stared, not believing. te go across tone floor, gently closed t down on his bed.

    quot;Lydia,quot; ;my little doe, my ;

    quot;Ive come to you only for an instant,quot; s;Just once I ed to see my Goldmund in .quot;

    S move, ts ing

    more  permitted. After a s tic. Everyt knoroubled slumber,  ears.

    A fees, as s time. In ell, muco complain about. tenderly ened; s arm;  hand caressed her knees.

    quot;Little Goldmout; sely muffled voice near ;it is so sad t I may never belong to you. Our small  last muc. Julie is already suspicious; soon so tell ice. If tle golden bird, your Lydia ear-so trees to see ter run a my fat bear to see you ter run a me; I dont  you to die, my golden one, I dont  to  your blue eyes! Oreasure, you must not go ao do if you leave me all alone?quot;

    quot;ont you come oget;

    quot;t ; s;oo o t I cant. I cant sleep in t and be ra. Nor can I bring suc speak, ts not just my imagination. I cant. I couldnt do it any more t off a dirty plate or sleep in a lepers bed. Aiful is forbidden us, tle boy, I so see you er all. And I, Ill be locked up in my room and later sent to a convent. You must leave me, s, and sleep  women. Oc;

    Softly roked oucely, and begged: quot;My little flo me?quot;

    Not angrily but firmly sly.

    quot;No,quot; s;no, I  let you. It is forbidden me. Per understand t, you little gypsy. I am doing  let me keep t, or else I can never again come to your room.quot;

    erdiction, a en  fougly against imes s to free imes  little Julie e flattery, and it  important to remain on good terms o dupe range relationstle Julie, . Sy traordinary beauty traction for Goldmund; en deeply in love rong attraction  for ttle sister,  boters  Julie more beautiful and seductive, ed bot an eye on bot  of love. o s cenderness and inclination to sadness it seemed similar to en deeply astonised to see o titude of  of he form of her fingers.

    tants during ituted o retain someto re-create it. On a fe  most secret, tempts to draline of rokes of a pen—the line of her eyebrows, her hand, her knee.

    ituation . Ser oy and greed, o admit it. Sreated Goldmund ed coolness and dislike. Yet, during moments of forgetfulness, scion and desiring curiosity. iten most tender, and occasionally even came to visit o breatmosp t. t offensive brusqueness t s transgression and felt contempt for it.

    Attractive and disturbing, tiful, capricious ctered betasted of loves secrecy in ty dreams, played innocent, and t more ter except during meals. And Lydia also realized t Goldmund  insensitive to Julies cimes sive, delig  say anyt it, everyted, so filled  especially not be offended or angered; alas, any day, any  of  to her heavy, anguished bliss, perhaps a dreadful end.

    Sometimes Goldmund asked  left long ago. It  to live t  ioned, lasting s to il noly excited and illed; moreover,  danger. aying and accepting it all, all tanglements and confused emotions? tions, and states of mind for tary, ted rooms.  t of to extricate e complications and to laug t rigo look for a kind of o be paying for it . And yet  only put up , but ly o do so. It rain to live t it iful sadness of s foolis-filled nigiful; it iful and delectable as t, resigned tone of  seemed so beautiful and so important to o retrace t  more intelligent, yet more experienced; not  mucure, much richer in his soul. he was no longer a boy.

    In le, lost voice Lydia said to ;You mustnt be sad, not because of me; I  to bring you only joy, to see you ed you range dreams at nig, it is vast and dark, I cant tell you  and dark, and I  youre not t I  you and t I  forever and ever, alone like t. t ill  Ill see  doesnt matter, it only matters t ill ;

    One morning Coldmund aer dainued to lie in  ed. ill see botricated rands of t caugtention, a strange kind of brigering to t table, te to tyard, tire landscape beyond  snoer. ruck by trast beted  and t, resigned er landscape: , , o sun,  and snoly maple and aser! Could one not become as t,  to tyard, ouc  into t t rose branches.

    As te t, everybody mentioned t snoside. Snomas  far off. t spoke about to t rangers to sno t t made t er day unforgettable for Goldmund occurred long after nightfall.

    ters  Goldmund kne. At niger t and dark, Lydia came to om. ordlessly s  to beat and to console  Julie migray  s make up o speak to  it and to cause ly against , listening to tender o time, feeling his hand in her hair.

    But suddenly—s been lying terrible s up, ly friger.  ely ood close beside  over it did  t it  sgo it drop to t by a knife, Lydia sank back and clung to Goldmund.

    In a mocking, triump, t;I dont enjoy being in my room by myself all time. Eitake me in oget;

    quot;ell, come in t; said Goldmund, folding back t;Youll freeze your feet off t; Srouble making room for ionless. Finally, all t resist t t not so long ago tuation corresponded to  secret wisrange anguis delig Julies  his side.

    quot;I just o see,quot; s; feels to lie in your bed, since my sister enjoys coming ;

    In order to calm ly rubbed   . Silent and curious so  tance. But o comfort Lydia, , familiar love sounds into  urn it toesque tuation   unbearable.

    It augrut explored tiful, quietly ing body of Julie,  for t time not only t   o give in to o love  renounce her had been wrong, had been nonsense.

    quot;My ,quot; o Lydias ear, quot;;

    So to Julie t s.

    Lydia  contracted o it. S up abruptly, tore to  and cried: quot;Julie, lets leave!quot;

    Julie artled. tless violence of Lydias cry, ray tly s up.

    But Goldmund, offended and betrayed in all   up, kissed , and ly omorroomorro;

    Barefoot, in goood on tone floor,  blue  and  around er ure of suffering and submission t did not escape Julie in spite of t toucly ters vanising emotions, Goldmund listened intently and breat.

    to meditate in solitude over trange and unnatural association. ters found noto say to eacer to tive beds, eac, and stubborn. A spirit of grief, contradiction, nonsense, alienation, and innermost confusion seemed to aken  fall asleep until after midnig until torturously ail t up, dressed, knelt for a long time in prayer before tep on tairs  out and asked o  trying to distinguiso put an end to tter. Goldmund and Julie ill asleep o tell  mention Julies part in ture.

    ing room at t morning,  in boots, vest, and girdled sead of t e. At once his.

    quot;Put on your cap,quot; said t. quot;I o take ;

    Goldmund took er doairs, across tyard, and out te. tly frozen snoill red   t teep, snoil all disappeared and to see.  roof, tudy, ters. en toyed  of sudden departure. Noracted   bitterly to leave this way.

    For an er going on ao t e. t  o run and tand t in danger. But t  ed.

    quot;From ; ;you inue alone, alion, youll lead to take revenge on you; I selligent to alloo live intimately ers. But if you y to come back, your life is lost. Go no;

    As ood in t of t dead. Like a g ood t move until Goldmund  ridge. tint in t come out, and snoo fall in tant flakes.