At age ten, I began to perform in front of ordinary people. In appreciation of to play as prelude to tmas ss to ts umes. My teacin, and I put togetrauss, and Beet of quot;Six Little Piano Piecesquot; in  t quot;modernquot; piece, o our audience, displayed my range  being overly ostentatious. tmas s ty-minute program for ter sc not froheir wimples.

    quot;ts raordinary,quot; t ran t. quot;But t last song.quot;

    quot;Sc;

    quot;Yes, very interesting.quot; Sood up in front of ters and paced to and fro, searcact. quot;Do you kno;

    quot;Else, Mot;

    quot;Somet;

    quot;Seasonal, Mot;

    quot;Somet kno;

    quot;Im not sure I understand.quot;

    Surned and addressed me directly. quot;Do you know any Cmas songs? A  Nigs Mendelsso;

    quot;You  carols?quot;

    quot;Not only ; Sc. quot;You could do Jingle Bells or e Cmas. quot;

    quot;ts from ; one of teered. quot;Bing Crosby and Fred Astaire and Marjorie Reynolds. O youre too young.quot;

    quot;Did you see Bells of St. Marys?quot; teacers. quot;asnt ?quot;

    quot;I really liked t Boys to;

    Rattling t t;Surely you kno;

    Crestfallen, I   nigicing on a paper-cutout keyboard fas t eve-ning, I trimmed  t to say, bombed. I played tmas stuff brilliantly and to a tion. quot;Cretins,quot; I said under my breated tion. During my repeated boling. But t at to recognize my parents and neigion for ted by table strains of tes. No gift as ed gift. And I greo , a real smile plastered on ed. I ed more.

    ted in t t my musical talent ry increased. I felt more and more removed from taken me for a  t of t perfor-mance, it  in tin and  til I could lest pressure. toire, t ; and Soul,quot; and t being adept at popular song alloo accept odd jobs in objected at first to tardization of my talent, but I gave ory about needing money for lessons.  er on t. itive egg and co buy a used uprigime for my thday.

    quot;s t; my fats beautiful machinery housed in a rosewood case.

    quot;Its a piano,quot; my mother replied.

    quot;I can see t.  get ;

    quot;Piano movers.quot;

    te from t and lit it in one s move. quot;Rut it  is ;

    quot;For ice.quot;

    quot;e cant afford a piano.quot;

    quot;e boug. Me and ;

    quot;it; I added.

    quot;And t;

    quot;You boug?quot;

    quot;On Mr. Martins advice. For ;

    quot;ell, t;  of the room.

    I played every c. Over t fe  tics of tes. t puso my core, as if t one. I gre summer in order to better reac. Around toiced spreading my fingers as far apart as tips became smootive. My s in er  my skill and understanding grerick involves getting people to listen to ts and seemingly insignificant silences betes, tones betones. By pter aug self-control.

    My fat stand to ice, perery I tained. reat into t corners of to go outside. A feer Mom and I boug television set, and a er a man came out and installed an antenna on tc Your Life or to keep it doo-gether.

    quot;Im going for a drive.quot;  on.

    quot;Youre not going drinking, I ;

    quot;I may stop in for one ;

    quot;Dont be too late.quot;

    ell after midnigagger in, singing or muttering to epped on one of toys or barked ting, doors every ers, painting t from to listen. iting fatill dandling t test primitive draick , sitting do table for tea parties and t  read minds, I suspect  at odds  art corrupted me, made me less a boy. ise me for a neglected c grade on a test or essay.

    As rolley station one Saturday,  to engage and understand. On tball game beting Irisre Dame and Navy unfolded. One of teams scored a toucacular fashion.

    quot; t? Did you ?quot;

    I looked out tapping out  .

    quot;Do you even like football?quot; he asked.

    quot;I dunno. Its okay.quot;

    quot;Do you like any sport at all? Baseball? Basketball? ould you like to go ing someday?quot;

    I said not of being alone gun frig in t a fe miles pass beneath us.

    quot;s not t and day?quot;

    quot;I like music. And Im good.quot;

    quot;You are t, but ly, did you ever stop to try somet you knoo life t;

    If rue faternally disappointed in eful t  actually related. trees, and tion t I only appeared to be ime, I ;Ic nur meinen So; acles, and tom memory disappeared. I sensed Billy Day c on eart this for a son?

    quot;Im t Im starting to like girls,quot; I volunteered. ousled my  anotent  of my masculinity never came up again.

    A basic trut. Girls uation. I noticed to t every concert performance. As if ten times a day: an older ies in a gray coat on a gray street corner; tuesday morning to buy a dozen eggs. Ponytailed girls jumping rope. Girls s. Girls in bobby socks and poodle skirts. In tess oderying to te Goddard; Marilyn Monroe. Anyone curved. Allure goes beyond appearances to ternal gyroscope. Otes. Some ortured lives ter. ttes. I loved t  sucoo so say a word.

    t girls,  virtually every performance, I could pick out from tening, as opposed to terminally bored or merely disinterested. tared back unnerved me, but at least tening, as ent on my playing. Oteet covering t tcer to and near me. t-performance encounters  res and ansions for as long as I could whe women and girls.

    Unfortunately, ts and recitals  parties and sy. Many aficionados erested in a ten-year-old prodigy, but ty died o be , I ude t my teacer year. C again, I found my old poo be just a boy to ing to be a groing   me t to combine my passion for music and my interest in girls: I would form my own band.