t arrived, proved botimely and apt. Not only in o offer, but I  all—tice, toire, ty-eigime I turned sixteen, I began looking for an excuse to quit, a  t  break my mot. trut  even, I  in our remote , no doubt our corner of tate, maybe t from border to border, but beyond t, no. I lacked to be a . Looking forernative o end up like old Mr. Martin eacer a second-rate career? I her play in a bordello.

    Over breakfast one morning, I opened : quot;Mom, I dont to get any better.quot;

    quot;Better t?quot; she asked, whipping eggs.

    quot;At t music. I ts as far as I can go.quot;

    So a skillet, t butter and  iron, and said notirred. Se of eggs and toast, and I ate t across table from me. quot;; sly, ing my attention. quot;Do you remember ttle boy and ran away from ;

    I did not, but I nodded in tive betes.

    quot;It er ted a bato cool off. ts one t get used to. And I asked you to mind Mary and Elizabeto t. Do you remember t?quot;

    t I nodded my  slug of orange juice.

    quot;I put to bed and came back do you ; ed t;e looked over  couldnt find you. As to come elep your name into t.quot; S me, as if reliving the experience in her minds eye.

    quot;Any more eggs, Mom?quot;

    Soove, and I ; gre in t forest? I kneo pick blackberries and left  on a brig, poor t a trace. All t remained  on t;

    I peppered my eggs and dug in.

    quot;I t of you lost and ing your mot get to you, and I prayed to God t youd come  ing . Its a blessing and you salent.quot;

    quot;Late for sc; I mopped te clean op of ed. Before I made it do steps, I regretted not being more forceful. Most of my life eful ercedes, relieving me from cy for my actions.

    By time of ter recital t year, just t and sound of tomac disappoint my parents by quitting Mr. Martin altogetended t all  t  my family at to find ts age. tals remained uncer, students milled about, mentally preparing for turns, practicing t surface. Mr. Martin paced among us, counting age-frigent, and tant. quot;You are my prize pupil,quot; ;t Ive ever taug; And , ion on my lapel. ed tains to tness of tligo ime to duck out ters nig, startled by my presence in topped and stared at me. I seet I could not scare it. Once upon a time, sucures errified of me.

    t frozen nig entirely ened at t of ter. If to be my fareo give to remember me by. I moved like a  pressure on all tial notes. Members of ts to lead trings stopped ed, t I almost forgot ed tage, Mr. Martin greeted me first, tears of joy in ;Bravo,quot; and tudents, ment, t I ss, siblings, friends, neiged music lovers. t I dre cro notice t until most of the well-wishers had vanished.

    My motick from my c o my perip, about forty years old. elligent face, but I  tared, scrutinized, studied, and pondered, as if dredging up an inner mystery. Ster stranger to me.

    quot;Excuse me,quot; s;But youre Andre;

    quot;; I corrected her.

    quot;Rig;

    quot;t; I turned back to my parents, ed t to go.

    Maybe s of turning a off somet so ;Youre ; s;Youre ttle boy.quot;

    I squinted at her and smiled.

    quot;You are t nig; Sarted to raise ;Dont you remember? I sa must  or nine years ago by no youre t little boy, no doubt. I  you.quot;

    quot;I dont knoalking about, maam.quot; I turned to go, but she grabbed my arm.

    quot;It is you. I cracked my  t you  first. You came out of t—quot;

    I yelped a sound t  startled everyone, myself included. I did not realize my capacity for sucill existed. My motervened.

    quot;Let go of my son,quot; sold ;Youre ing ;

    quot;Look, lady,quot; I said, quot;I dont kno;

    My fatepped into triangle. quot; is t?quot;

    t;I sa onto t of my car. I so miss  I clipped  knoo do, so I got out of to see if I could ;

    Sed tention from my fat;From t seven or eigartled me more t of noo t natural t doo its moutever you call it. o believe, but  ood, and sprang off. t incredible ts ever o me.quot;

    I realized t ser. But I knew I  seen o inspire wild animals, I never engaged in such foolishness.

    quot;I got a real good look at ts,quot; s;alt so good at . It was you. ;

    quot;I dont know ;

    My moted by ory, came up ;It cant be en,  let  of my sig few years.  by  nig;

    tensity melted from t; me, and w nig;

    My fatle tone ;Im sorry, but you must be mistaken. Everybody  like my son. Im sorry for your troubles.quot; So ion, but ook t from  open for , t t a  looking back. In railed ts of anger and anxiety.

    quot;Did you ever?quot; my mot; a story. And to t sually o say it.quot;

    From tcion unnerved me. quot;Can  out of ;

    of ty, I announced my decision. quot;Im not going back tals, no more lessons, no more strangers coming up to me ories. I quit.quot;

    For a moment, I t my fat a cigarette and let Mom take over tion.

    quot; quitting....quot;

    quot;Did you  t lady said?quot; Mary c;S you lived in t;

    quot;You dont even like to stand next to a tree.quot; Elizabeth laughed.

    quot;t about your feelings, Mom, but mine.quot;

    My fatared at te line in the road.

    quot;You are a sensitive boy,quot; my motinued. quot;But you cant let one ory ruin your life. You dont mean to tell me youre going to quit eigale.quot;

    quot;It isnt t. Ive ;

    quot;Bill, ;

    quot;Dad, Im tired of it. Sick of practice, practice, practice. tired of ing my Saturdays. I t;

    eering ood t all t nigalking, make out tional confrontation, but I  all ability to eavesdrop from a distance. Once in a ; or quot;bloodyquot; explode from  ts it. Near midnigormed out of t a desolation. I  doairs to see if Mom ting in tcable before her.

    quot;s late.quot; Sied a ribbon around a bundle of letters and set it in t;Your fato e once a ory by , but s again. Pregnant,  een at time, ss. Sill alone at time of  as old as sing my life as a o be amed age  into .

    quot;You take almost anytions run so strong. ars, and tom of t alt;

    Sy-five by my calculations.

    quot;t doesnt mean Ive forgotten s like to be young. Of course, its your life to do  you c,  you can be  in your , I understand.quot;

    quot;ould you like a cup of tea, Mom?quot;

    quot;t ;

    ter, during ternoon before Cmas, Oscar Love and I drove into ty to celebrate my ne episode ion or t my capability to ercourse, so trip   appre, only one of ters could do trick. ured too late in  ty, and  trouble. t of us  ready po perform t.

    But I o experience sex t nigipped back a bottle of cified, o report t losing my virginity ic and erotic, but trut it ative uncertainty as to  t, so position. A s time later, all t remained o get dressed, pay tmas.

    s around tree and t on my o a brand-neo any c about tasks, offering genuine affection and consideration of one anoted my debauc before. Earlier t morning, ing up for me and only gone to bed  t dros territory   of our time toget get along. A year and a  ao college, so ence on our rare encounters. reated me like a stranger ime.

    I recall t of imes tling. A feer t ter recital,  up tter of trange story. e earing doten out of ter turning a . ions arrived in tervals betearing lumber.

    quot;So, you remember t lady and ory about t; ;  do you make of t? Do you t;

    quot;Sounded incredible to me, but I suppose it migty sure of ;

    Grunting , ugged a a rusty nail. quot;So it migrue?  ;

    quot;I didnt say it rue. S  it isnt likely, is it? And any did o  me. I  t;

    quot;Maybe it o it, and t of ton stark against the sky.

    quot;ts a possibility,quot; I said. quot;I reminded ime. Didnt you tell  everyone he world?

    Maybe s;

    ;tumble do;  up in truck, and drove away.

    t a year later.  first lig rose from tood, o me, in t grass, calling out my name as and of firs. A dark trail of footsteps led into ten feet in front of uck to t, as if artled a  fled a I saure. By time I dre;; lingered in to  o tly . I crept back into tended to be reading ts page  me  belt of  maybe I  noticed before rembled as if palsied, and ook a Camel from . tte oo  to lige ed attempts, so ossed it in tras a cup of coffee in front of ared at team as if I had handed him poison.

    quot;Dad, are you all rig;

    quot;You.quot; ed  me like a gun, but ts all  t;; again.