quot;Youre t boy Ive ever kissed,quot; so me.

    It anding at teamer Pier in Pine Knoll So get to cross t spans tracoastal atertle he island.

    No expensive beac property in tire state, but back t led against time National Forest.

    quot;I figured I mig; I said.

    quot;; sly. quot;Did I do it ; S look like soo upset if Id said yes, but it  ruth.

    quot;Youre a great kisser,quot; I said, giving her hand a squeeze.

    Surned toting t far-off look again. S a lot lately. I let it go on for a  to me.

    quot;Are you okay, Jamie?quot; I finally asked.

    Instead of answering, s.

    quot;; she asked me.

    I ran my ;You mean before now?”

    I said it like James Dean o say it if a girl ever asked me t question. Eric ty slick h girls.

    quot;Im serious, Landon,quot; sossing me a sidelong glance.

    I guess Jamie oo. ito realize, I alo be going from o loo ime t takes to s a mosquito. I  quite sure if I liked t part of our relations, to be , it kept me on my toes. I ill feeling off balance as I t about ion.

    quot;Actually, I ; I said finally.

    ill fixed on t I alking about Angela, but looking back, Id realized t  for Angela otally different from  now.

    quot; ; she asked me.

    I cly moving  it ime to pretend I  I actually .

    quot;ell,quot; I said seriously, quot;you knos love o do is spend time  of kno the same way.”

    Jamie t about my ansly.

    quot;I see,quot; sly. I ed for o add somet s, and I came to anotion.

    Jamie may not  experienced  to tell you truth, she was playing me like a harp.

    During t tance, she wore her hair in a bun again.

    On Neook Jamie out to dinner. It  real date s to a small erfront restaurant in Morey, a place called Flauvins. Flauvins aurant ableclot pieces of silverting. ters lers, and   completely lined tc reflecting off ter.

    t and a singer, too, not every nig on  to make reservations, and t time I called t I  t didnt  to make  my grandfatill alive and all.

    It ually my moms idea to take Jamie out someplace special. A couple of days before, on one of talked to my mom about through.

    quot;S, Mom,quot; I confessed. quot;I mean, I kno know if s I do.”

    quot;Does s muco you?quot; she asked.

    quot;Yes,quot; I said quietly.

    quot;ell, w ried so far?”

    quot; do you mean?”

    My mom smiled. quot;I mean t young girls, even Jamie, like to be made to feel special.”

    I t about t for a moment, a little confused. asnt t rying to do?

    quot;ell, Ive been going to o visit,quot; I said.

    My mom put  a great imes stuck it to me, like I said earlier, s lady.

    quot;Going to o do, but its not t romantic t   her.”

    My mom suggested buying some perfume, and t Jamie , it didnt sound rigo me. For one t didnt alloion being tmas play-I old my mom as muc aking  to dinner.

    quot;I dont ,quot; I said to edly. t too quickly. quot;It builds responsibility,quot; my fat once.

    quot; o your money in the bank?”

    I sig in silence isfaction crossed oo, knew I was finally growing up.

    quot;Let me  t,quot; sly. quot;You just find out if so go and if Reverend Sullivan . If so make it happen. I promise.”

    t to t   because I figured sed to be t o do  t   exactly been ed.  it- tains, t I  seen  ake a long time for o anso come from tchen.

    me for a long moment, then sigh deeply and shake his head before finally saying hello.

    ially open, and I saing beacles propped on  financial-and I figured rying to figure out t for ters o pay.

    I knocked at terest, as if ed anotion, t it was me.

    quot;; I said politely. quot;Do you ?”

    ired t feeling well.

    quot;; he said wearily.

    Id dressed s and tie. quot;May I come in?”

    ly, and I entered tioned for me to sit in the chair across from his desk.

    quot; can I do for you?quot; he asked.

    I adjusted myself nervously in t;ell, sir, I ed to ask you something.”

    ared at me, studying me before ;Does it o do ; he asked.

    I took a deep breath.

    quot;Yes, sir. I ed to ask if it would be all rigook o dinner on New Years Eve.”

    ;Is t all?quot; he said.

    quot;Yes, sir,quot; I said. quot;Ill bring ime youd need me to.”

    ook off acles and ting tell aking a moment to t it.

    quot;ill your parents be joining you?quot; he asked.

    quot;No, sir.”

    quot;t t  t.quot;  t clear it ime for me to leave. I stood from my carted to to go, I faced him again.

    quot;Reverend Sullivan?”

    ill t;Im sorry for to do  alreat Jamie treated. But from no.”

    o look rig  enough.

    quot;I love ; I said finally, and ention focused on me again.

    quot;I kno; ;but I dont  to see .quot; Even t , I t I saer.

    quot;I  do t to ; I said.

    urned from me and looked out tcer sun tried to force its  ter.

    quot;en,quot; he wrong decision.

    I smiled and ed to t. I could tell t ed to be alone.  to see his face in his hands.

    I asked Jamie an er. t t s t I told  Id already spoken to   on er t. t tell  it looked almost as t  t only didnt I understand it completely, I didnt  o  niger talking to my mom again, sion, and to be , it made perfect sense to me.  must o tion t er  o me. In a rue.

    I picked  on sc asked o ly erfront to taurant.  to tess stand, to our table. It ter ones in the place.

    It ime eenagers in t too out of place, though.

    Jamie o Flauvins before, and it took  a fees to take it all in. S a my mom  suggestion.

    quot;t; so me. quot;thank you for asking me.”

    quot;My pleasure,quot; I said sincerely.

    quot;have you been here before?”

    quot;A feimes. My moto come imes won.”

    S tared at a boat t aurant, its lig s in ;Its beautiful ; she said.

    quot;So are you,quot; I answered.

    Jamie blus;You dont mean t.”

    quot;Yes,quot; I said quietly, quot;I do.”

    e ed for dinner, and Jamie and I talked about some of t  fealked about tted t place. S about it-s of laug off c s out on her own.

    quot;ould you  to take me again?quot; seased.

    quot;Absolutely.”

    Dinner er finally removed our plates, tarted up. e  before I o take her home, and I offered her my hand.

    At first c eac reminded too. I could see tfully at us. ts  and kno time t it .

    I  could be.

    After Ne t  young couples did back time to time sired and listless. e spent time doossing stones in ter, calked, or  to t Macon.

    Even t er, t  boter an o take imes, it seemed, s nod off before  imes sream of cter all t I could barely get a word in edgewise.

    Of course, spending time  doing t go to udy class-I didnt  to look like an idiot in front of  t t more at o leave early, because s fever. Even to my untrained eyes, it  her face was flushed.

    e kissed again, too, t every time oget even trying to make it to second base. t any need to. tle and rig  Jamie ood ire life, not only by me, but by everyone.

    Jamie  simply ters daug to een-year-old girl s t I  least, ts il sold me.

    Ill never forget t day because of  s sometant was on her mind.

    I ed up again, a day blustery ing er o stand close to eaco stay ed to go  Id asked  ime, I remember t t us. te  no one else  Cecils Diner. As al communities, t on terfront in ter.

    S as  so tell me somet expect o start tion as she did.

    quot;People trange, dont t; she silence.

    quot;; I asked, even the answer.

    quot;People at school.”

    quot;No, t,quot; I lied.

    I kissed tle tigo me. Sell t Id  her somehow.

    quot;Are you okay?quot; I asked, concerned.

    quot;Im fine,quot; s on track.

    quot;ill you do me a favor, though?”

    quot;Anyt; I said.

    quot;ill you promise to tell me truth from now on? I mean always?”

    quot;Sure,quot; I said.

    Sopped me suddenly and looked rig me. quot;Are you lying to me right now?”

    quot;No,quot; I said defensively,  from noell you truth.”

    Some, I kne Id come to regret it.

    e started reet, I glanced at  belo it mig t I  even touchere.

    quot;People trange, dont t; she asked again.

    My breat in little puffs.

    quot;Yes,quot; I finally ans  me to say it.

    quot;; S despondent.

    I t about it. quot;People  reasons,quot; I said vaguely, doing my best not to go any further.

    quot;But  because of my fat because I try to be nice to people?”

    I didnt  anyto do his.

    quot;I suppose,quot;  a little queasy.

    Jamie seemed disened, and tle farther in silence.

    quot;Do you trange, too?quot; she asked me.

    t made me ac it  at opped o me. I kissed , s the ground.

    I put my finger beneating  me again. quot;Youre a iful, youre kind, youre gentle . . . youre everyt Id like to be. If people dont like you, or trange, ts their problem.”

    In ter day, I could see o tremble. Mine  my   I couldnt keep the words inside any longer.

    quot;I love you, Jamie,quot; I said to ;Youre t t ever o me.”

    It  time Id ever said to anote family.  to someone else, Id some it  . Id never been more sure of anything.

    As soon as I said tarted to cry, leaning o mine. I ime t my arms  all t o my c for ime. I  sure o t t regret trutrut promised  I would never lie again.

    quot;Please dont say t,quot; so me. quot;Please . . .”

    quot;But I do,quot; I said, t believe me.

    So cry even ;Im sorry,quot; so me t;Im so, so sorry. . . .”

    My t suddenly  dry.

    quot;; I asked, suddenly desperate to understand ;Is it because of my friends and  care anymore-I really dont.quot; I was reaching, confused and, yes-scared.

    It took anot for o stop crying, and in time s me. Sly, almost like ty street, then ran her finger over my cheek.

    quot;You cant be in love ; shrough red and swollen eyes.

    quot;e can be friends,  love me.”

    quot;?quot; I sed  understanding any of this.

    quot;Because,quot; sly, quot;Im very sick, Landon.”

    t ely foreign t I couldnt compre srying to say.

    quot;So ake a few days . . .”

    A sad smile crossed  t srying to tell me.  mine as s numbed my soul.

    quot;Im dying, Landon.”