Junko celevision rings of ric guitar. icing a fast passage and obviously he receiver.
“Did I wake you?” Miyake asked in .
“Naill up.”
“I’m at time. Can you come down?”
“Sure,” Junko said. “Let me cen minutes.”
Sigop surtleneck ser, and suffed a pack of cigarettes into t of . Purse, matc. ore off his headphones.
“I’m going for a bonfire on the beach,” she said.
“Miyake again?” Keisuke asked to be kidding. It’s February, you kno nigo go make a bonfire now?”
“t’s okay, you don’t o come. I’ll go by myself.”
Keisuke sige to change.”
urned off on pants, a ser, and a do, ted .
“You guys are crazy,” Keisuke said as took to t’s so great about bonfires?”
t t all. ords left to hang frozen in midair.
“’s so great about Pearl Jam?” Junko said. “Just a lot of noise.”
“Pearl Jam en million fans all over the world,” Keisuke said.
“ell, bonfires y thousand years,” Junko said.
“You’ve got somethere,” Keisuke said.
“People will be liger Pearl Jam is gone.”
“You’ve got sometoo.” Keisuke pulled of and put rouble is, I don’t o do y ty t’s important is noure? t matters is omac no it up rig?”
teps to top of ter. Miyake ing drift to drag to t.
t of transformed to a ser rangely he beach.
“Pretty good, e breath.
“Incredible!” Junko said.
“t stormy day ely, I can tell from today some great fireo wash up.’ ”
“Okay, okay, ’s get ’s so damn cold, it’s enougo shrivel your balls.”
“ake it easy. t o do t you’ve got to plan it. And all arranged so it’ll a c it slo rus. ‘tient beggar earns his keep.’ ”
“Yeaient hooker earns her keep.”
Miyake soo young to be making sucime,” he said.
Miyake erlacing til o resemble some kind of avant-garde sculpture. Stepping back a feructed, adjust some of to ting times. As al to begin al images of tlest movement of tor can imagine tone.
Miyake took ime, but once o isfaction, o say to ’s it: perfect. Next, s of ne along, slipped t ttom of t tic cigarette ligook tes from , put one in ruck a matcared at Miyake’s : t-stopping moment of tc erupt in giant flames?
tared in silence at tain of drifts of ne, t out. After t t didn’t Junko. t ter t looked.
Se smoke s up from to disperse it, traigo fire someill there was no sign of flames.
No one said a alkative Keisuke kept tig pockets. Miyake , cigarette in occasionally, as if suddenly recalling t it here.
As usual, Junko t about Jack London’s “to Build a Fire.” It ory of a man traveling alone terior and tempts to ligo deat catc read mucion, but t one s story seac as an essay topic during tion of year in ory o mind as s as important of all, t t tally longing for deat for sure. S explain s from tart. Deat ed. it ending for o go on fig. o fig an over sed contradiction.
teac ed? t’s a nerange! Quite ‘original,’ I’d o say.” he class, and everybody laughed.
But Junko kneory be so quiet and beautiful?
“Uured, “don’t you t?”
“Don’t ’s caug’s just getting ready to flare up. See ’s smoking? You knohere’s fire.’ ”
“ell, you knohere’s a hard-on.’ ”
“Is t all you ever talk about?”
“No, but gone out?”
“I just kno’s going to flare up.”
“o master suc, Mr. Miyake?”
“I call it an ‘art.’ I learned it or not, you learn everyto kno building a fire.”
“I see,” said Keisuke. “A Boy Scout, huh?”
“t’s not tory, of course. I alent, too. I don’t mean to brag, but o making a bonfire I alent t most folks just don’t have.”
“It must give you a lot of pleasure, but I don’t suppose talent of yours makes you lots of money.”
“true. None at all,” Miyake said h a smile.
As ed, a feo flicker at ter of t crackling sound. Junko let out a long-o . to stretc t fees to be done but to ctle by little, trengty t like t to t Junko.
“I understand you’re from Kobe, Mr. Miyake,” Keisuke said in a c o ives or somet month?”
“I’m not sure,” said Miyake. “I don’t ies for years.”
“Years? ell, you sure lost your Kansai accent.”
“No? I can’t tell, myself.”
“I do declare, you must be joking,” said Keisuke in exaggerated Kansai tones.
“Cut t, Keisuke. t t to rying to talk to me in a p. You eastern farm boys ter off tearing around on your motorcycles during the slack season.”
“ guy, but you’ve got one ‘Ibaragi.’ All you Kansai types are ready to put us eastern ‘farm boys’ do t. I give up,” Keisuke said. “But seriously, t ? You must V?”
“Let’s c,” Miyake said. “hiskey?”
“You bet.”
“Jun?”
“Just a little,” Junko said.
Miyake pulled a tal flask from t of and to Keisuke, ed off to touco t down and sucked in a sh.
“t is great!” to be a ty-one-year-old single malt! Super stuff! Aged in oak. You can tish angels.”
“Give me a break, Keisuke. It’s t Suntory you can buy.”
Next it urn. Sook ttle into tried a feiny sips. S cer t special to omacouc, Miyake took one quiet s all at once, but in sloages. t t Miyake’s bonfires. t and gentle, like an expert caress, it—to warm people’s s.
Junko never said muced all tood, and forgave. A family, a real family, .
Junko came to touffed all to a Boston bag, and run arain to t at random until sokorozao ttle seaside spot in Ibaraki Prefecture, a toor’s across from tation sment, and took a job at a convenience store on t o e: Don’t me, and please don’t look for me, I’m doing fine.
So deat stand t of ten on tle. On oget proud and strong to reet ed near tary sco groo sed to look at range neer s-six in to all.
Plus, o boast about. Near top of ered middle scion time it tom, and s into to say t supid: s couldn’t concentrate. Sarted. ried to concentrate, o breat became irregular. Attending sce torture.
Not long after stled in to surfer. all, dyed iful straigeettled in Ibaraki for its good surf, and formed a rock band ered at a second-rate private college, but to campus and s of graduating. s ran an old respected ssy of Mito, and resort, but ention of settling dosed o ride around sun truck, surf, and play tar in teur band—an easygoing lifestyle t anyone could see going to last forever.
Junko got friendly er so be in ies—a small, slim guy
by sundoo e, sneakers. In er, on a creased leat and sometimes a baseball cap. Junko fit. Everytlessly clean.
Speakers of t nonexistent in ticed Miyake. “ed old Junko. “s pictures. I don’t tuff. But o manage. o tokyo sometimes and comes back late in ting supplies or somet knoalk muc a bad guy.”
Miyake o tore at least times a day. In t noon, er day. civilities, but so er a while.
ore one morning, sook a c en, even if buy lots of milk and beer and keep it in tor? ouldn’t t be more convenient? Of course, it o tore people, but still . . .
“Yea,” ’d make more sense to stock up, but I can’t.”
“?” Junko asked.
“ell, it’s just, like—I can’t, t’s all.”
“I didn’t mean to pry or anyt let it bot’s just t ions mean any .”
Miyake ated a moment, scratcy, ell you trut or. I don’t like refrigerators.”
Junko smiled. “I don’t like refrigerators myself, but I do it kind of inconvenient not having one?”
“Sure it’s inconvenient, but I e t can I do? I can’t sleep at nigor around.”
a Junko. But noed in han ever.
alking on ter, Junko saending a bonfire, alone. It o Miyake, t tanding beside aller. traded simple greetings, t all as tared at the fire.
It time t Junko felt a certain “sometc , because it oo raoo oo real to be called an idea. It coursed t-sad, c-gripping, strange sort of feeling. For a time after it had gone, she had goose flesh on her arms.
“tell me, Mr. Miyake, range?”
“how so?”
“I don’t kno’s like all of a sudden you get very clear about somet usually notice in everyday life. I don’t kno it, I’m not smart enoug c t kind of feeling.”
Miyake t about it as to be. It’s free. So it can look like anyt all depending on it. If you get t kind of feeling ’s because it’s s kind of feeling you I mean?”
“Uh-huh.”
“But it doesn’t any fire. For someto self o be free. It ove or a cigarette lig even o be free, you’ve got to make it in t kind of place. easy. Not just anybody can do it.”
“But you can do it, Mr. Miyake?”
“Sometimes I can, sometimes I can’t. Most of time, I can. If I really put my mind to it, I pretty much can.”
“You like bonfires, don’t you?”
Miyake nodded. “It’s almost a sickness o live in t noto’s because ts more drift’s t o make bonfires. Kind of pointless, huh?”
er t, Junko . Sometimes imes one. ermined by t of drift Miyake ion. her “bonfire buddy.”
to t log, and no last ttling in for a long burn. Junko loared at t tiged t care, using a long branco keep too quickly or losing strengtoss it in w was needed.
Keisuke announced t omac’ve caug need a crap.”
“ you go ?” Junko said.
“Yea you?”
“Don’t Jun,” Miyake said. “I’ll see her home. She’ll be fine.”
“Okay, t the beach.
“,” Junko said, ss carried aoo much.”
“I kno it’s no good being too sensible spoils t s, too.”
“Maybe so, but use hing.”
“Some t ’s not easy being young.”
t for a e ts and letting time floe paths.
t it?”
“ kind of something?”
“Something personal.”
Miyake scratcubbly c of kno’d be okay.”
“I wondering if, maybe, you had a wife somewhere.”
Miyake pulled t of , opened it, and took a long, slo on to , and looked at Junko.
“ come from all of a sudden?”
“It’s not all of a sudden. I kind of got tarted talking about t you once told me, about about tching a fire.”
“I did?”
“And do you oo?”
“Yup. two of ’em.”
“In Kobe, right?”
“t’s here.”
“here in Kobe?”
“tion. Up in t muchere.”
Miyake narro turned o the fire.
“t’s . I’m not using my brain any more t king. I t I mean.”
“Do you to tell me more?”
“No,” Miyake said. “I really don’t.”
“Okay, I’ll stop, t I hink you’re a good person.”
“t’s not tip of a brancell me, Jun, about o die?”
Junko pondered then shook her head.
“ell, I t it all time,” Miyake said.
“o die?”
“Locked inside a refrigerator,” ime. Some kid is playing around inside a refrigerator t somebody’s tes. Like t.”
to ttering sparks. Miyake c did notrangely unreal shadows across his face.
“I’m in tigotal darkness, and I die little by little. It mig be so bad if I could just plain suffocate. But it doesn’t iny bit of air manages to get in t takes a really long time. I scream, but nobody can ices I’m missing. It’s so cramped in t move. I squirm and squirm, but t open.”
Junko said nothing.
“I drenc. I’ve been dreaming about dying sloc even after I end. t part of t is absolutely dry. I go to tcor. Of course, I don’t or, so I ougo realize it’s a dream, but I still don’t notice. I’m trange going on, but I open tor is pitc’s out. I ick my out from trong, and tart dragging me inside. I let out a ime I ’s my dream. It’s altle detail. And every time I , it’s just as scary as t.”
Miyake poked tip of a branc back in place.
“It’s so real, I feel as if I’ve already died imes.”
“art he dream?”
“ay, remember me alone. A year . . . no, t all. I o be okay for me. But no. t as I o t started up again. And once it gets going, thing I can do.”
Miyake shook his head.
“I’m sorry, Jun, I really s be telling you tories.”
“Yes you s a cigarette betch, inhaling a deep lungful of smoke. “Go on.”
ts end. tra drifto t Junko t the ocean sounded louder.
“ter called Jack London,” Miyake began.
“Sure, te about the fire.”
“t’s ime, o die by droely sure of it. o t nigice, and he’d drown.”
“Did he really drown?”
Miyake sh morphine.”
“So ion didn’t come true. Or maybe o make sure it come true.”
“On t least, it looks like t,” Miyake said, pausing for a moment. “But in a sense, . to tions can stand for sometimes. And tand for can be a lot more intense ty. t’s t t ion. Do you see w I mean?”
Junko t about it for a w see w .
“I’ve never once t about o die,” s t it. I don’t even know o live.”
Miyake gave a nod. “I kno’s guided by to die.”
“Is t how you’re living?” she asked.
“I’m not sure. It seems t imes.”
Miyake sat do to Junko. tle more ed and older t and sticking out.
“ kind of pictures ing?” she asked.
“t ougo explain.”
“Okay, t’s t ted?”
“I call it Landscape iron. I finis t’s just a picture of an iron in a room.”
“ so tougo explain?”
“Because it’s not really an iron.”
S an iron?”
“t’s right.”
“Meaning it stands for something else?”
“Probably.”
“Meaning you can only paint it if you use someto stand for it?”
Miyake nodded in silence.
Junko looked up to see t tars in tance. Miyake t piece, to to touco . Sook in a long, deep breat.
“You knohing?” she said.
“?”
“I’m completely empty.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
S, tears ill ears stop.
“t all in er, . Empty.”
“I know w you mean,” he said.
“Really?”
“Yea.”
“ can I do?”
“Get a good nig usually fixes it.”
“ I’ve got is not so easy to fix.”
“You may be rig may not be t easy.”
Just teamy ion of er trapped in a log. Miyake raised time.
“So, w should I do?” Junko asked.
“I don’t knooget do you say?”
“Sounds good to me.”
“Are you serious?”
“I’m serious.”
ill around silent for a leat.
“Any’s till t,” Miyake said. “e built it, so company to t goes out, and it turns pitchen we can die.”
“Good,” Junko said. “But how?”
“I’ll thing.”
“Okay.”
rapped in t of a grorangely bony. I could never live . I could never get inside . But I migo die h him.
S must be t. Most of to as t piece still glole
itself out.
“Mind if I take a little nap?” she asked.
“Sure, go ahead.”
“ill you wake me w?”
“Don’t art feeling t to or not.”
Sed t, you’ll start feeling t to or not. t o a fleeting, but deep, sleep.