In ts, in t, in tree is anned  sions, to augalked. For a long time, Siddaking in tising debate ising  of reflection, tation. o speak tly, to speak it silently into o speak it silently out of ration of . o feel Atman in tructible, one he universe.

    Joy leapt in  for o learn, ty for kno , a prince among the Brahmans.

    Bliss leapt in   up, Siddrong, ing  respect.

    Love toucs of ters h his slim hips.

    But more t voice,  decency of s,   , fiery ts,   a vain, vacuous speaker; not a mean, deceitful priest; and also not a decent, stupid s  to become one of t one of tens of ted to folloo follow , his spear-carrier, his shadow.

    Sidd for them all.

    But  a source of joy for  in ree garden, sitting in templation, , ures of perfect decency, everyones love and joy, ill lacked all joy in . Dreams and restless ts came into er of tars of t, melting from to lessness of to eache old Brahmans.

    Siddarted to nurse discontent in arted to feel t t bring  nurse isfy arted to suspect t eac to  and best of t ting vessel  full, t  content, t calm, t  satisfied. tions  ter, t , t relieve t. tion of t--but  all? Did tune? And  t really Prajapati  not tman,  creations, created like me and you, subject to time, mortal? as it t rig meaningful and t occupation to make offerings to to be made, o be found, , s innermost part, in its indestructible part, , timate part? It  fles  nor consciousness, t ones taug? to reacman, t, not t teac taken care of everytion of t of ts of tely muc  valuable to kno kno one and only t important tant thing?

    Surely, many verses of ticularly in t and ultimate t;Your soul is t;, ten t ten t man in   part and man. Marvellous  ones ed ed by bees. No, not to be looked doremendous amount of enlig ions of s,  kno of all kno also to live it? o bring y man out of to tate of being ao to every step of to  and noble s lived bes bro even  also just a searcy man? Did , again and again, o drink from y man, from tes of to  Atman in  tine source spring from ? It o be found, tine source in ones o o be possessed! Everytour, ting lost.

    ts, t, this was his suffering.

    Often o ;truly, tyam--verily, er t; Often, it seemed near, t never  completely, never imate t. And among all t men, ructions  completely, t completely, ternal t.

    quot;Govinda,quot; Siddo ;Govinda, my dear, come ree, lets practise meditation.quot;

    t to tree, t doy paces aing o speak ted murmuring the verse:

    Om is target, t one sly .

    After time of tation  ime to perform tion.  ans in t, oant target, tip of ongue ruding a little beteet to breat emplation, t after the Brahman as an arrow.

    Once, Samanas ravelled toics on a pilgrimage, ty and bloody s naked, scorcrangers and enemies to trangers and lank jackals in t scent of quiet passion, of destructive service, of merciless self-denial.

    In ter templation, Siddo Govinda: quot;Early tomorro;

    Govinda turned pale,  from t glance, Govinda realized: No is beginning, noo sprout, and urned pale like a dry banana-skin.

    quot;O Sidd; ; you to do t?quot;

    Sidd  he submission.

    quot;O Govinda,quot; ly, quot;lets not e omorro daybreak I .quot;

    Siddered tting on a mat of bast, and stepped beanding til  t someone anding be;Is t you, Sidd you came to say.quot;

    Quot;ito tell you t it is my longing to leave your omorroo tics. My desire is to become a Samana. May my fat oppose t;

    t, and remained silent for so long t tars in tive positions, ere t and motionless stood t and motionless sat t, and tars traced t;Not proper it is for a Brao speak  indignation is in my . I o  for a second time from your mout;

    Sloood silently, his arms folded.

    quot; are you ing for?quot; asked ther.

    Quot;You kno;

    Indignant, t t,  to his bed and lay down.

    After an ood up, paced to and fro, and left tanding,  moving from . Pale s robe. ity in , turned to his bed.

    After anotood up again, paced to and fro,  of t tood Sidd moving from ,  reflecting from , t back to bed.

    And er an er t, by t of tars, in ter ly, o tanding in t  , filled   h sadness.

    And in ts last urned, stepped into tanding tall and like a stranger to him.

    quot;Sidd; ;ing for?quot;

    quot;You kno;

    quot;ill you aland t , until itll becomes morning, noon, and evening?quot;

    quot;I and and .

    quot;You ired, Sidd;

    quot;I ired.quot;

    quot;You will fall asleep, Sidd;

    quot;I  fall asleep.quot;

    quot;You will die, Sidd;

    quot;I ;

    quot;And ;

    quot;Sidd;

    quot;So ;

    quot;Sidd ell o do.quot;

    t ligo t Siddrembling softly in rembling, ant spot. t even no  him.

    touchas shoulder.

    quot;You ; ;go into t and be a Samana. , teaco be blissful. If youll find disappointment, turn and let us once again make offerings to togetell o. But for me it is time to go to to perform t ablution.quot;

    ook  outside. Siddo tried to o  to o do as her had said.

    As  on stiff legs in t ligill quiet town, a s , whe pilgrim--Govinda.

    quot;You ; said Siddha and smiled.

    quot;I ; said Govinda.