12

类别:文学名著 作者:赫尔曼·黑塞 本章:12

    t day Goldmund could not bring o go to  ty. s go to market. ered around tain at t and cc of tly gave in to deated it ion. y for tupid and insensitive?  see tened eyes and ails, te battle, transformation from mysterious, miraculously beautiful animals—t last s ran across t—into flattened, miserable slabs of meat for tables of ticed notoucer could express all ty, and suffering, all tense anguisatue of a saint angibility—tant, in a ed, laugo eacold jokes, screamed over t fine, izens, isfied s oo often been one of t en baked fise  being  sooner or later, as t  plump illusions, all isfaction and self-importance, and idle peace of mind fell ao solitude and brooding, made emplate suffering and deaty of all undertaking, as ared into t otimes a sudden joy blossomed from t infatuation, to sing a beautiful song, to dra, and  o ime, too, it omorroer, t  least it il turned, ting floive, piglike, staring-but-not-seeing ence. It  sucs t Viktor alo orturing curiosity and deep anguisabbed bet lying on pine boug or. en ely,  , decades or just years, until bones lost to th?

    As cplace, feeling pity for t for t and a bitter red against t of Viktor. Per case,  all rotted off, ill  ors life, ories, tastic playfulness of s? as t alive of tence,  been ordinary, otray memories ill a Viktor in tige of  o everyone and everyt soon ed and  y a fe,  for Master Niklaus—ill alive of t of poor lanky Viktors boastful silte. If somebody old  ters licence from t  a faded flohing.

    In ts Goldmund suddenly  lasted only an instant, a lig smile t iful and gruesome. S birt flo rustling autumn leaves, at art, at decay.

    Everyto tones of t o tered bones of tor o steal ers proud cool young daugh.

    tning flaserious mot tinued to tremble deep in Goldmunds soul, t of life, of pain, of longing agitated . No, no,   tiated  to ce-summer moutal smile trembled like !

    Goldmund  to ters  oil o was in.

    quot;May I say a feo you, Master, ? Im starving for a moutrut to say someto you t I migo say rig speak to a and. Im not speaking to ts from great cities and cloisters, ants and a riciful o ter side ty, t beautiful statue I knoo become like o me t goal on eartatue, my statue of St. Jos not made as perfectly as your madonna; but t cant be atues, no idea t demands execution. Or rate image of a saint t Ill o make some day, but not just yet. In order to be able to make it, I must see and experience muco make it in ten years, or later, or never. But until ter, I dont  to isan, lacquering statues and carving pulpits and leading an artisans life in t  to earn money and become like otisans. I dont  t. I  to live and roam, to feel summer and er, experience taste its beauty and its  to suffer , and to rid and purge myself of all I o make sometiful and deeply moving as your madonna—but I dont  to become like you and lead your kind of life.quot;

    ter urned and looked at Goldmund. ern, but not angry.

    quot;You ; ;and I ened. Dont  expecting you to come to o be done. I dont consider you an assistant; you need freedom. Id like to discuss a fe noime, you may spend your ly t I understand you and alk about your future; I il tient! I knooo ant to one; I knoiness. It passes, believe me.quot;

    Goldmund left, dissatisfied. ter meant   along ter  deep; its bed  fis do o ter. er very mucer attracted , one could look treaming, crystal-ter and see ttom, see a vague golden glitter icing sparkle, bits of a broken plate per sickle, or a smoot stone or a polisile, or it mig turbot or redeye turning around do catcant t fins of its scales and belly—one could never make out  tingly beautiful, enticing, brief vague glints of droreasure in t black ground. All true mysteries, it seemed to  like terious er; all true images of tour or s, a beautiful distant possibility t  as sometant in tained, nevert blissful promise, so ting profile of a person, seen imes promise sometely beautiful, sometern  at niging giant spinning s create a s seemed as full of incidents and stories as tly dreams uff, a not contained all tal ties.

    eyes ared into ting river, satom, kings croions in Greek and Latin letters.  alked about it  been, o be able to see o speak elligent voice, wo gold pieces.

    iful, ter, tions, all tions—so inexpressibly beautiful and delig opposite of ty an artist mige? ty of tinguiss  form and consisted of not mystery. te of te precision of . Note as to tion of an incraced tatue; note tive, nothing vague.

    Goldmund and   t o   did not please  all, o e of a certain undeniable beauty. orksal ; ing because t and did not fulfill it. t essential tery. t ruly great  ery.

    Goldmund continued : It is mystery I love and pursue. Several times I  beginning to take sist, I o capture and express it. Some day, pero. t birtery does not consist of t detail, of a particular voluptuousness or sparseness, coarseness or delicacy, po consists of a fusion of test contrasts of t cannot ot  togetenderness and cruelty, life and destruction. If I only imagined ts, it  matter about ake and forget about  t an idea of mine; I did not t o me one er nigo  over t s en lose it; for long periods it remains remote; but suddenly it flas did today. t of all, ransformed itself into t in the cherry.

    As  situation became clear to o make a decision. It  as o ter. Once more ant road: to ake so all? Per  one t o travel toion, a golden sery. At any rate, o folloo ar.

    And no ips; everyt iful t it  for  to follo, but only tinue to perfect ty of er Niklaus  led to fame and reputation, to money and a settled life, and to a drying up and do  led to making pretty, precious toys, all kinds of ornate altars and pulpits, St. Sebastians and cute, curly angels  four guilders a piece. O t tterflys ely more beautiful, alive, and precious t.

    A boy came singing doimes errupted by a bite into a big piece of  crumb iny balls .  railing and to ter, sae ball sink into t until it disappeared into one of tisfaction er ball go under and disappear. t  to see one of c;My Lady of Sausages and ; itle o tcing o give tle nouriso slip in s and eat outdoors, ened e scent of fruit blossomed in the spring.

    But to be ions. As Kat to  of retc o make tual signal, imes ood ing in t es: sep back, reappear promptly at t, and, roke tle and press o ed of  seemed infinitely stupid and ugly to provoke ten experienced t in it, to receive to feel urdy breasts press against tle as t. Suddenly  rait of soul-less  in erious in ure froze in mid-air; till in love ill desire oo often. All too often  a prompting from .  ill been all rigerday oday. till standing t urned a, determined never to go back t someone else stroke ts! Let someone else eat t, y stuffed and squandered day in, day out! idious t burgiful fisten ingly like t burgo a  of bread tasted more delicious t, tracks peered at attentively in ty, among tablis so little, even love. . Suddenly  on it. Life  its meaning; it er  iful, it  . Jo it ed.  up in a violent en deeply tortured and intoxicated ed, every desire quickly exed; not bones and dust. But one ternal mot, forever young, ant: a giant figure ars in  on ter floer life, o ttomless void.

    During ted ty in a drunken depression of bidding fareced piece of life fade aook great pains to provide for ure and tried to make less guest settle doers diploma and conceived a plan to tie Goldmund to  as a subordinate, but as an associate, e all important orders and s mig least because of Lisbet even t assistant Niklaus o could not atue like Goldmunds St. Joive force, and   to see o tsmans be easy to  o take the risk.

    ter ed. tic and present iful neance by t Lisbeting somet since t noon. And Lisbet opposed to it. If to settle doer of , sion. tacles on er Niklaus and  did not fully succeed in taming t.

    Everyt izingly before trap for to er sent for Goldmund, o dinner. Again  in tiful, somes to master and daugil finally ter left t fort plan and made his offer.

    quot;I tood me,quot; ;and I need not tell you t probably no young man ed to master as rapidly,  even serving tices. Your fortune is made, Goldmund.quot;

    Goldmund looked at er  ill ed t Niklaus le because of t loafing, and t ay ant. And no sad and constrained, sitting across table from t find a ready answer.

    ters face greed ed immediately y. ood up and said: quot;ell, my proposal comes unexpectedly. Pero t it. It does offend me a little t it s I  joy. But never mind, take your time and t over.quot;

    quot;Master,quot; Goldmund said, fig;dont be angry  for your goodience aug ed I am to you. But I need no time to t over, I ;

    quot;Decided ;

    quot;I ed your invitation and before I  going to remain ;

    Niklaus turned pale and looked at him darkly.

    quot;Master,quot; begged Goldmund, quot;I do not . I must leave, I must travel, I must be free. Let me t us bid eac;

    o tears. Niklaus did not take urned er, eps ec.

    Suddenly ter stopped, made a dreadful effort to control  Goldmund, teet;All rig! But go at once! Do not force me ever to see you again! I dont  to do or say anyt I mig later. Go!quot;

    Once more Goldmund  er looked as to spit at it. Goldmund turned, noly out of tside  on  doairs, letting airs ered tyard, stood for a  t  ts castle and poor Lydia.

    At least it  least not  and city became transformed,  familiar take on  t o a strange  o him.

    Back in o prepare for ure. Not mucion ure on t ed, a gentle madonna, and a ferifles t , a pair of dancing se, a number of small clay figures s from er, of raded trong ing knife, ting stone in tyard.  to t door, gave ting of to  in exccs in tcick, and put in to stay behind.

    ty to erday,  telling ic souvenirs taco one o move on, but t to be taken seriously. o no one but t in t morning.

    And yet t up in to tc milk just as  to sneak out. It er of teen, a quiet sickly creature iful eyes  made ely pale but carefully dressed and combed, s milk and bread in tco see  of pity kissed ly, h closed eyes, she received his kiss.


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