I ran. I jumped over tairs t a time, lost my footing and lunged at t. I grasped at a umbled, saved myself and lurc at my clotimes as my feet scrabbled tritus of the broken house.

    At last, inevitably, I craso the ground, and a wild cry escaped my lips.

    ‘Oartle you? Oh dear.“

    I stared back the archway.

    Leaning over t ton or monster of my imaginings, but a giant. airs, stepped daintily and unconcernedly to stand over me most concern on his face.

    ‘Oh my goodness.“

    -four or -five, and  to shrink around him.

    ‘I never meant… You see, I only t… Because you’d been time, and… But t doesn’t matter no?“

    I felt reduced to t for all  dimensions, too,  oo plump for ly around acles. transparency.

    I must oo, per by my side and took my .

    ‘My, my, t e a tumble you took. If only I’d… I s high. hmm.“

    My singing. I reaco investigate a tear in trousers, and my fingers came away bloodied.

    ‘Dear, o’s t? Is it broken? Can you move it?“ I , and ture of relief.

    ‘tay t get te.“ And off .  danced delicately in and out of tly up tairs, o te footwork going on below.

    I took a deep breated.

    ‘I’ve put ttle on,“ urned. It -aid kit e , and ook out an antiseptic lotion and some gauze.

    ‘I al  in t old place one of t for years. Better safe tinging pad against my cut s’s be brave, shall we?“

    ‘Do you ricity here?“ I asked. I was feeling bewildered.

    ‘Electricity? But it’s a ruin.“ ared at me, astonision, as t  my reason.

    ‘It’s just t I t you said you’d put ttle on.“

    ‘Oove. I used to “—urned ea from a t very nice, is it? No sting very badly?“

    ‘Only a bit.“

    ‘Good girl. Quite a tumble t ea—lemon and sugar all right? No milk, I’m afraid. No fridge.“

    ‘Lemon will be lovely.“

    ‘Rig’s make you comfortable. topped, so tea outdoors?“  to t t of tc. ited, to get to my feet.

    ‘Don’t move!“

    t danced back to do myself being raised into tside.  me sides I had admired an hour earlier.

    ‘You  tea!“ and  back into tairs and disappeared into trance of third room.

    ‘Comfy?“

    I nodded.

    ‘Marvelous.“   us introduce ourselves. My name is Love. Aurelius Alp me expectantly.

    ‘Margaret Lea.“

    ‘Margaret.“ e splendid. No.“

    Bet icky slice of cake, cut generously. I bit into it. It  cake for a cold day: spiced  but . tranger strained tea into dainty cook a blue velvet pouc pocket,  ed A in tylized angel ornamenting took it, stirred my tea and passed it back to him.

    e and drank, my  sat on t, ed kittenis girte in silence, neatly and ration. c, too, anxious t I se the food.

    ‘t was lovely,“ I said. ”hink?“

    ts  ten feet, and to converse rical air, as t o tock-still, regarded us curiously. Unblinking, alert, nostrils tcted it, it made no attempt to run but decided, on trary, not to be afraid.

    My companion  and folded it into four. “You liked it to me by Mrs. Love. I’ve been making ted no  it  to be.”

    ‘I see.“ t sure I did see. as Mrs. Love  mean hough: he had loved her and she was dead. ”I’m sorry,“ I said.

    ed my condolences ened. “But it’s a fitting memorial, don’t you the cake, I mean?”

    ‘Certainly. as it long ago? t you lost her?“

    . “Nearly ty years. t seems more. Or less. Depending on  it.”

    I nodded. I he wiser.

    For a fes  in silence. I looked out to t t across the grassy park.

    tinging in my leg ter.

    ‘tell me…“ tranger began, and I suspected o pluck up to ask ion. ”Do you her?“

    I felt a start of surprise. People ice me for long enougo ask me personal questions.

    ‘Do you mind? Forgive me for asking, but—  it? Families are a matter of… of… But if you’d rat— I am sorry.“

    ‘It’s all rig mind.“ And actually I didn’t. Per ting, but it seemed t anyt say about myself o tever I said to ion. ”Yes, I do her.“

    ‘A motense expression came into  could be pleasanter to  ation to say more.

    ‘You don’t hen?“ I asked.

    Aurelius’s face ted momentarily. “Sadly—I ed— Or a fato t. Even broters. Anyone o me. As a co pretend. I made up an entire family. Generations of it! You’d o laug in  as to an actual motual, kno . It’s a question of kno one day— For it’s not out of tion, is it? And so I have never given up hope.“

    ‘Ah.“

    ‘It’s a very sorry t ed to be casual, but . ”I so her.“

    ‘Mr. Love—“

    ‘Aurelius, please.“

    ‘Aurelius. You kno al as you might suppose.“

    ‘A seemed to  revelation to  me. ”Squabbles?“

    ‘Not exactly.“

    andings?”

    I shook my head.

    ‘orse?“ upefied.   be in the woods and finally, in my eyes.

    ‘Secrets,“ I told him.

    ‘Secrets!“ o perfect circles. Baffled, tempt to fat last. ”I don’t knole about families. My ignorance is vaster t ts. I’m sure you are rigo feel as you do.“

    Compassion warmed ly folded we handkerchief.

    ‘I’m sorry,“ I said. ”It must be delayed shock.“

    ‘I expect so.“

    oo see a se: t of t leaped ligo trees.

    ‘I t you old  ton.“

    ‘A skeleton! Me! A skeleton!“ ed, and ire body seemed to sh.

    ‘But you turned out to be a giant.“

    ‘Quite so! A giant.“ er from , you knohey say.“

    I kno said, I sa  my g alking about.

    ‘?“

    ‘No,“  even t.“

    e sat in silence for a moment, eacemplating gs of our own.

    ‘It’s getting chilly,“ I remarked.

    ‘Leg feeling all right?“

    ‘I t’s back and tried my ’s mucter now.“

    ‘onderful. onderful.“

    Our voices ening light.

    ‘ly was Mrs. Love?“

    ‘took me in. Shing, really.“

    I nodded.

    tually. I ougo try for some pos at t quite disappears. tea.”

    ‘I must be off in a fees myself. It o meet you, Margaret. ill you come again?“

    ‘You don’t actually live fully.

    he cake.

    ‘Bless me, no. I ured to come ernoons. For, ’s say for contemplation, shall we?“

    ‘t down soon. I suppose you know?“

    ‘I kno, absently, fondly. ”It’s a s it? I sually I t you  you’re not.“

    ‘No, I’m not a surveyor. I’m ing a book about someone wo live here.“

    ‘the Angelfield girls?“

    ‘Yes.“

    Aurelius nodded ruminatively. “t.” For a moment his eyes were far away.

    ‘ill you come again, Margaret?“ he asked as I picked up my bag.

    ‘I’m bound to.“

    o  and dre a card. Aurelius Love, traditional Englisering for eddings, Cenings and Parties. ed to telepelep come to ttage and I’ll make you a proper tea.”

    Before ed, Aurelius took my ted it in an easy, old-faseps and he heavy doors behind him.

    Sloo tranger I  met—met and befriended. It  unlike me. And as I passed te, I reflected t perranger. as it just my imagination, or since meeting Miss inter  quite myself?

    GRAVESI  it too late for t, and pograp of tion. So I took my notebook out for my y but a small one, and t so very many graves. I found Joo t of our Lord, ed for tes and inscriptions into my notebook. One of t, a gay bunc closer to see ten.

    t see t it did not puzzle me for more te. t ombs ories carved into t  ed tone arcened vaults betimbers and ted, I peered at tones and monuments in tiny curies all aper loquacious line of encomium, expensively carved into costly marble. Anoto decipions; for today it was only a handful of names I was looking for.

    ity came to an end. C hey who decided—

    seemed not to o any great lengtions to come. Released from eartone’s laconic message. Isabelle’s role in ture from it  conventional terms: Mucer, so a better place. But I copied it into my notebook all tion. Younger t so tragically young as  still, not an age to die.

    I almost missed Ced every otone in t to give up, one. So small , and so black, t it seemed designed for invisibility, or at least insignificance. to give relief to tters so, unable to make t by eye, I raised my  tyle, ips, one  a time.

    CO t.

    E ShALL NEVER SEE hIM MORE.

    tes.

    I felt a sudden ced t Vida inter? And  seemed to me t tain ambiguity in t t? Or triump fareo a bad lot?

    Leaving to tes, I felt a lig ? t, per eyes of tself? Most probably it  a deer, che woods.

    ‘It’s a s evening, ”t you can’t come home for a few hours.“

    ‘I am ested, feigning ignorance. But I kne alking about. trut I couldn’t bear inny brigine paleness of  in my mot ty daugness ay ale time,“ I explained. ”Miss inter is anxious t ill Cmas, after all. I’ll be back again then.“

    ‘Yes,“  will be Cmas soon.“

    do anyt it.

    ‘I’ve packed a feo take back to Miss inter’s  a note on the index.“

    ‘t’s fine. No problem.“

    t nig of sleep, a pressure on ty of bone pressing against my fleshes.

    It is  last!

    All I o do is open my eyes and look at  fear paralyzes me.   is t from t terrible t t I am about to join myself—rejoin myself—to?

    the fear dissolves.

    I have woken up.

    ts is gone, a figment of sleep. I do not know wed.

    I got up, repacked my ter dao tation for t train north.

    Middles

    ER ARRIVES

    ‘ Yorksrong; by time I returned it s dying days, about to tilt into December.

    December gives me ite. It makes me restless in my reading. It keeps me a nigs damp, c starts to tick on t of December, measuring tes, counting doo a certain day, t like December.

    ting us into an eternal dim to room, collecting desk lamps and standard lamps and reading lamps from guest rooms t o keep at bay t lurked in every corner, under every cains and ts of tery.

    Miss inter asked no questions about my absence, nor did sell me anyt t even after so s an absence, o see. tly empty folds around o e line t ing before I left  crept along eacing tallic tones to a e y, s overrode boted myself in t before I  doaken out my notebook, so speak, picking up tory  ained a moment longer.

    it  in t someteen; it  an age to be left unattended; t be sent to sc sc co be out of tion, it  a governess should be employed.

    A governess   a pretty name, but t a pretty girl.

    Dr. Maudsley organized it all. C  consulted. tor approacor, and bets  was done.

    icipation, eacicular mix of emotion. t an instinctive suspicion of tranger o ed ing—for sations. S  till a sense of discipline in tore manners and sanity to t, so great led and ic life t in t of took to issuing orders, as t of c comply. Needless to say, ook no notice.

    Jo entirely ile.  be drao t ony silence to encourage timism t o take root in . “If s kind of person…” ster t ared out of tc be draed t ake to meet t tation  rude. “I’ve not got time to be traipsing across ty after damned scresses,” or o make arrangements to collect  opiary garden, Jo been t ure. t a fresened properly for years. Jouated to secrecy, foresarouble.

    In our separate  daunted. All except C is.  of sigtering t sime to time, a din to  iced. In ion of day or time, and t noto him.

    e  morning in one of t rooms on t floor. A bedroom, you’d , if t ed t t ran ttern of tains. itiously put it in , ready to add later to tas ration  meant or not, saminated by tation t  the house.

    It rokes of   t door, to , to , and took us for a trick of t or a ed by tever s can’t have been us.

    But ared. e didn’t knoo ter , s: all in tinct tint. inguisure. And yet ared. e stared at il our eyes actle face ed. Someted from  a gloic.

    e  it  before.

    e found out later, though.

    er was clean. Scrubbed and soaped and rinsed and buffed and polished all over.

    You can imagine w s of Angelfield.

    a quarter of an  and ed to see ed. And ed. Not  time, . All our expertise in  going to come looking for us. And s come. e  in ty t seeded itself in us despite our resistance. e became attentive to tairs: Joure, some banging and knocking. t fell quiet. At lunc go. At six tayed on in t to be reckoned h.

    Later came tting ready for bed. Footsteps on tairs, table, Miss,” and teel in velvet, “I’m sure I rouble.”

    ‘About the girls, Miss Barrow-—“

    ‘Don’t you  t. Good night.“

    And after t siously doairs, all .

    Nig. Except us. ttempts to teac nigime ened and  t scratcc on doairs, to the larder.

    t open. time, but tonig betrayed itself race of fresh oil.

    Emmeline ed patiently, blankly, for to open, as sed before. Confident t in a moment tter and jam for taking.

    But to panic. t. t’s  of fiddling to know wched which lock.

    t y.

    Emmeline stirred, antly at the delay.

    to a real c s catc . You could al into one of ttages for a snack.

    tcurned, topped. No amount of tugging and jiggling could free it. It was padlocked.

    tters secured in to t double doors . Emmeline, be of moonliginted blue by to  ts,  of reac o place at top of the double doors.

    e were imprisoned.

    Emmeline spoke. “Yum yum,” so be fed. It . e  ime coming, but eventually Emmeline’s poor little brain realized t t be  came into h and wailed.

    tone staircase, turned into to t, rose up anot of stairs and slipped under the new governess’s bedroom.

    Soon anoto it. Not t t, metronomic step of er Barro. A brisk, un of stairs, along a corridor, to the gallery.

    I took refuge in tains just before so t op of tairs sood, a compact little figure, neit nor t on a sturdy pair of legs, topped by t calm and determined countenance. In ed blue dressing goly brus sitting up and ready for morning. uck flat to   plainness on er  remotely t t it mighe eye.

    Emmeline, at t of tairs,  ago, yet tant er appeared in all opped crying and stared, apparently placated, as t and piled  had appeared before her.

    ‘o see you,“ said er, coming doairs. ”Now, who are you? Adeline or Emmeline?“

    Emmeline, openmout.

    ‘No matter,“ ter? ould soo?“

    ‘Yum,“ said Emmeline, and I didn’t kno er .

    er looked around, seeking tain appeared to  a curtain, for after a cursory glance surned all tention to Emmeline. “Come  of . It o a  glinted tantalizingly in t.

    It did trick. “S kno  could —back to tchen.

    In tain my o anger. er and  or all over again. It was love.

    t  nig ory.

    t transfer itself to our pristine governess t ed. Instead it , drained and dusty, t managed to penetrate tains seemed alo fall on er. So ed to talized by tact tle by little tended from er o t full day it   ed. Sook tains doo a tub of soapy er. Sed pattern of pink and yello t in, and tle   the beginning.

    itermination, s ions tants er not ter came as a spring-cleaning miracle. For ty years t of tes of dust caug. Notle feet paced out tes and ter, tes were gone.

    After cleanliness came order, and t to feel tour. S from bottom to top, tutting and fro a single cupboard or alcove t escaped tention; ebook in inized every room, noting damp patctling esting doors and floorboards for squeaks, trying old keys in old locks, and labeling t doors locked be  “going over,” a preparatory stage to toration, nevertered: a pile of blankets in a corner folded and left tidily on a cucked under o be returned later to tain set straigiceable e but  test impression of  seemed so cast  a room for t to recede, for to begin so put itself in order, for ts to beat a retreat. In tered.

    ttic, it is true, did stop racks.  at tate of ty. But even in togetigc er vigor. t day, a builder came. e knec o give  before t consonant.  six or seven jobs going at once and rarely finis tes and eyeing talistic sairs in ypical lazy fas after es er o the dozen. She had galvanized him.

    itimes, bedtimes, getting-up times. A fes for out. Not only t, but to fit and ,” and neton poplin e sashes and collars appeared for everyday.

    Emmeline t regular o play—under tiger’s sruggled at first, yelled and kicked as er and tripped o tub, but ied o anotrances. Ser’s presence so study  for a smile. er did smile—it  infrequent—Emmeline gazed at . Before long so smile back.

    Otoo. tor, and aken to a specialist. On urn s seeing ts neate of cleanliness t all tate of grayness fell aly to join er in ter’s orders morosely and kept ed from , all-seeing ones, could not resist tive effect of  a o anyone, ook up ered topiary garden for t time since tastrops to ture to mend t.

    Cly influenced.  out of  suited boto do anyt our guardian side ion, and so s er. In treated to tered togeter effect ed to an improvement in  and a firmer  but flimsy control of traders and businesspeople. Neitice, and if iced t he would have cared.

    But er did keep trol and out of sig any t eful for ter’s reign tile neigo come complaining about tive to visit tco leave, even for a minute, t realm of tion t ed  erritory, er;  of ered irely satisfactory.

    er riump ato, but t girl couldn’t do, once s o it.

    Miss inter paused,  fixedly on t presented itself to y t and me. At tress. A connected o , I  to break it, but equally anxious for  to stop ory.

    thened.

    ‘And you?“ I prompted softly. ” about you?“

    ‘Me?“ S rouble.“

    ‘trouble?“

    S and looked at me  thread.

    ‘I t’s enougoday. You can go now.“

    tory of er, I fell quickly back into my routine. In tened to Miss inter tell me ory, ebook. Later in my room, rusty sranscribed o ter’s voice in my ear; later, en, I felt my face rearranging itself into  ic gestures, urned to pictures in my er, clean and neat and surrounded by a silvery gleam, an all-body  greime, encompassing first s inants. transformed from a sloo one , briger’s so be cy, malnouriso a clean, affectionate and plump little girl. er cast  even into topiary garden,  fortside t not seen. And Jorangely named gardener, brooding on its perimeter, reluctant to be drao t. And Adeline, terious and dark-ed Adeline.

    For all my biograps I  a box of lives. A box of index cards containing tails—name, occupation, dates, place of residence and any otion t seems relevant—of all t people in t. I never quite knoo make of my boxes of lives. Depending on my mood trike me as a memorial to gladden t me. “Sing us doranded and alone t, ttle cardboard tombstones, inanimate and cold, and tself is as dead as tery. Miss inter’s cast of cers  as far as information , I ill far s of w I needed.

    I took a blank card and began to e.

    er BarrowGovernessAngelfield houseBorn: ?

    Died: ?

    I stopped. t. Did a feeen. And er  old. it verve s be. y?  if sy-five? A mere t possible? I er, in ies,  t didn’t necessarily mean a person older t he chances?

    to do.

    I added anote to t.