I  of my memory. I y rigues for t of in tty satisfied - alk. Pep, punc, sand. Get on or get out. ty of room at top. You can’t keep a good man do t tive es o so and so’s correspondence course. It’s funny , even blokes like me to  application. Because I’m neitter nor a do, and I’m by nature incapable of being eit it  of time. Get on! Make good! If you see a man doies,  yet arrived to knock tuffing out of us.

    I ion at Boots and  to o a local tennis club. You knoennis clubs in teel suburbs—little ing enclosures een forty!’ and ‘Vantage all!’ in voices ation of t. I’d learned to play tennis, didn’t dance too badly, and got on  nearly ty I  a bad-looking cter-coloured  ill a point in your favour to  in t any otime, succeeded in looking like a gentleman, but on t aken me for try toy of a place like Ealing,  tennis club t I first met hilda.

    At t time y-four. Simid girl, iful movements, and—because of inct resemblance to a  remain on tion t’s going on, and give t tening. If s all, it . At tennis s very gracefully, and didn’t play badly, but some.

    If you’re married, times  often enoug  it across fifteen years, why DID I marry hilda?

    Partly, of course, because sty. Beyond t I can only say t because sotally different origins from myself it  for me to get any grasp of  about erricken officer class. For generations past  kind of t on t I s you , if you belong as I do to tea class. It  make any impression on me no it did t mistake  mean t I married o ter, ion of jockeying myself up in t  I couldn’t understand  ainly didn’t grasp  trousers, just to get away from home.

    It  long before ook me o see  knoill t talk about discovering a ne e a revelation to me.

    Do you kno’s almost impossible, o remember t out in treet it’s England and tietury. As soon as you set foot inside t door you’re in India in ties. You knomospeak furniture, trays, ty tiger-skulls on tric pickles, tograps, tani  you’re expected to knoing anecdotes about tiger-ss and o Jones in Poona in ‘87. It’s a sort of little  ted, like a kind of cyst. to me, of course, it e neeresting. Old Vincent,  only in India but also in some even more outlandis ely bald, almost invisible beacories about cobras and cummerbunds and rict collector said in ‘93.  s like one of tos on t time  tle dark reets t exist in Ealing. It smelt perpetually of tric s, and t you could  in it.

    Old Vincent ired in 1910, and since t as mucivity, mental or p at time I titude tos, and toeresting illustration of side t me among business people—ravellers—and I’m a fairly good judge of cer. But I ever of tier-clergyman class, and I o kooo ts. I looked on tellectual superiors,  kind, ‘business’, s, is just a dark mystery. All t it’s somet of o talk impressively about my being ‘in business’—once, I remember, ongue and said ‘in trade’—and obviously didn’t grasp t. ion t as I er rise to top of it, by a process of promotion. I t’s possible t ures of ouc some future date. ainly  in , even  it is, I’d probably be lending money to  t if er eric or somets are dead too.

    ell,  from tart it  ts of killing ice one never does tasy t one enjoys t. Besides, c copped. ly  it’s you  on to you some suspect— marriage.

    One gets used to everytime. After a year or topped ing to kill arted   ernoons or in t my s ,  seems to be a most frigo pieces after t’s as if trung up to do just t one tant t t’s set its seed.  really gets me dotitude to it implies. If marriage  an open srapped you into it and turned round and said, ‘Noard, I’ve caugo  mind so muc not a bit of it. t  to ime, t to slump into middle age as quickly as possible. After tful battle of getting o tar, t vanis. It  ty, delicate girl,   ttled doo a depressed, lifeless, middle-aged frump. I’m not denying t I  of t w would he same.

    a er erest in tand. It  I first got a notion of ial fact about t all tality , ies— t’s to say on incomes  smaller—ty, more crust- sixpence, t alone a family like mine. en told me t almost t tly feeling t t kind of family, t its  ly t only t one al it’s one’s duty to be miserable about it.

    At ttle maisonette and o get by on my er, o t Bletcter, but titude didn’t c gly glooming about money! t! togeto tune of ‘Next ’s not t ill less t so be a bit of spare cas I can o buy  clot s t you OUGo be perpetually o a ste lack of money. Just mospy. I’m not like t. I’ve got more ttitude too be in t   I refuse to . ‘But, George! You don’t seem to REALIZE! e’ve simply got no money at all! It’s very SERIOUS!’ Sting into a panic because somete s t trick, . If you made a list of  ted toget top—‘e can’t afford it’, ‘It’s a great saving’, and ‘I don’t kno t o save butter and eggs.  is  to o tures sime ion about ts.  in t a snob. S a gentleman. On trary, from  of vieress too muc’s a curious t in t felook and even in appearance, to anyt never does. e live just about as  ting ste tter and ts and sc’s a kind of game h hilda.

    e moved to est Bletcarted buying t year, a little before Billy er I or I ies  say all time, but as often as I got ttle t kind of to  ed o mind. And like all jealous imes t me out   t sen been equally suspicious y. I’m more or less permanently under suspicion, t fe five years, any enougo be, w as I am.

    taking it by and large, I suppose  get on  imes ion or divorce, but in our  do t afford to. And time goes on, and you kind of give up struggling. een years, it’s difficult to imagine life   of t find to object to in t do you really  to cie’. Not to say a ball and fetter.

    Of late years  friends called Mrs  very bitter ideas about to ttle  s-colour, but s tly different form. it takes t you can ime  paying for it. S bargains and amusements t don’t cost money. it it doesn’t matter a damn , it’s merely a question of  on t sales Mrs  t’s est pride, after a day’s ing round ter, to come out   anyte a different sort. Sall t ty-eigent-leatrusting kind of face. Siny fixed income, an annuity or somet- over from ty of est Bletc tle country to’s ten all over   on ty  of turn into o escape from ill looks exactly like a c’s still a tremendous adventure to  to go to c ‘modern progress’ and ‘t’, and s a vague yearning to do somet quite knoart. I ttoned on to  of pure loneliness, but noake hey go.

    And times togetimes I’ve almost envied t. You couldn’t name a kind of idiocy t s dragged to at one time or anoto cat’s-cradle, provided you can do it on t in for t Energy uces and ot don’t cost money. Of course to ely began starving ried it on me and t my foot do fait of tackling Pelmanism, but after a lot of correspondence t t get ts free, uff called bee  not all because you made it out of er. t after ticle in t bee ed tours round factories, but after a lot of aritic Mrs  teas tories gave you didn’t quite equal tion. tance ickets for plays produced by some stage society or ot for ening to some  even pretend to understand a  even tell you ter t t tting sometook up spiritualism. Mrs  medium  eenpence, so t tanner a time. I sa our al terror of D.t.s.   of spasm and a ter-muslin dropped out of rouser-leg. I managed to s back to ter-muslin is oplasm old. I suppose o anoter get manifestations for eig find of t fe Book Club. I t  t Book Club got to est Bletc soon after’s almost time I can remember spending money  esting. Sting it for a ts proper price. ttitude is curious, really. Miss Minns certainly ry at reading one or t t even o t connexion  Book Club or any notion ’s all about—in fact I believe at t it o do  in rail it means seven and sixpenny books for  it’s ‘suc Book Club brancings and gets people doo speak, and Mrs akes t one for public meetings of any kind, al it’s indoors and admission free. t t knoing’s about and t care, but t a vague feeling, especially Miss Minns, t t isn’t costing thing.

    ell, t’s  sake it by and large, I suppose simes  I’d like to strangle  later I got so t I didn’t care. And t fat and settled do must  I got fat. It  it  stuck inside. You knoill feeling more or less young,  morning you  you’re just a poor old fatty  sing your guts out to buy boots for the kids.

    And no’s ‘38, and in every sing up ttleso see on a poster irred up in me a uff o have been buried God knows how many years ago.