evening I ill in doubt as to een quid on.

    o t Book Club meeting. It seemed t to lecture, to say  knoure o be about. I told  mucures, but t morning, starting rain,  me into a kind of tful mood. After t  to bed early and cleared off in time for ture, w o’clock.

    It y kind of evening, and t too tle y of some Nonconformist sect or ot for ten bob. teen or sixteen people  of tform t ture  altogetct, ect’s office, aking turer round, introducing o everyone as Mr So-and-so (I forget i-Fascist’, very muc call somebody ‘t’. turer tle c forty, in a dark suit, ried rato cover up h wisps of hair.

    Meetings of tart on time. t on tence t pero turn up. It  ty-five past eigct tapped on table and did uff. itct’s a mild- looking ctom kind of face t’s aly, and s as M.C. at tern lectures for t you migells you ed o form tonig . I never look at  t tle lecturer took out a es, ctings, and pinned ter. t o s.

    Do you ever go to lectures, public meetings, and ?

    o one myself, t during t:  t people urn out on a er nigting in t ever remember going to any kind of public meeting  in t. , as usual. It tle ced iron roof, and enougs to make you  to keep your overcoat on. ttle knot of us ting in t round tform,  ty roy cs of all ty. On tform beurer t-clot ually it was a piano.

    At t exactly listening. turer tle c a good speaker. e face, very mobile mouting voice t t from constant speaking. Of course co ler and t particularly keen to   tuff in t o me as a kind of burr-burr-burr,  struck out and caugtention.

    ‘Bestial atrocities. . . . bursts of sadism. . . . Rubber truncration camps. . . . Iniquitous persecution of to tion. . . . Act before it is too late. . . . Indignation of all decent peoples. . . . Alliance of tic nations. . . . Firm stand. . . . Defence of democracy. . . . Democracy. . . . Fascism. . . . Democracy. . . . Fascism. . . . Democracy. . . .’

    You knoalk. t out by t like a gramopurn tton, and it starts. Democracy, Fascism, Democracy. But some interested me to ctle man, e face and a bald anding on a platform, sing out slogans. ’s e deliberately, and quite openly, irring up red. Doing  to make you e certain foreigners called Fascists. It’s a queer t, to be knoi-Fascist’. A queer trade, anti-Fascism. ting books against ler. But ion applies to doctors, detectives, rat-catc ting voice  on and on, and anot struck me. . Not faking at all—feels every o  t’s noto tred ruto  eresting to knoe life. But does e life? Or does form to platform, working up red? Perhaps even his dreams are slogans.

    As  to t,  on er nigo sit in draugening to Left Book Club lectures (and I consider t I’m entitled to t I’d done it myself on tain significance. e’re t Bletcionaries. Doesn’t look  first sig struck me as I looked round t only about  turer alking about, time co ler and t’s al ings of t a notion of ’s all about. In able itct curer ed smile, and tle like a pink geranium. You could urer sat doern lecture in aid of trousers for t interesting—give us all a lot to t—most stimulating evening!’ In t roting very uprigtle on one side, like a bird. turer aken a s of paper from under tumbler and  statistics about te. You could see by t s feeling  it? If only s  ! tting t to ttle ting a jumper. One plain, t togeturer imes tioner makes a bos. teac tening, sitting forurer and tle bit open, drinking it all in.

    Just bey ting. One , tacs. You knoype. Been in ty since t. Lives given up to t. ty years of being blacklisted by employers, and anoten of badgering to do somet ty stuff doesn’t matter any longer. Find tco foreign politics—ler, Stalin, bombs, macrunc, anti- Comintern pact. Can’t make ail of it. Immediately in front of me t Party brancting. All t money and is sometate Company, in fact I believe  one of t you’d t.  seventeen, ty.  and a brigie t   to t ting. But t seems, is a different kind of Communist and not-quite, because  trotskyist. t a doure quite differently from t t question-time started. You could see tctle trotskyist o get in ahers.

    I’d stopped listening to tual ure. But tening. I s my eyes for a moment. t of t o see tter when I could only hear his voice.

    It  sounded as if it could go on for a fortnig stopping. It’s a gly to  of ing propaganda at you by te, e, e. Let’s all get togete. Over and over. It gives you t somet inside your skull and is  for a moment, , I managed to turn tables on  inside  ion. For about a second I  say I AS  any rate, I felt w he was feeling.

    I sa   at all t can be talked about.   ler’s after us and  all get togete. Doesn’t go into details. Leaves it all respectable. But . It’s a picture of  faces, of course. I KNO t’s  I  e ago is just a great big blob of stra. And it’s all O.K. because to Fascists. You could  in tone of his voice.

    But ion, because iff . t sufficient foresigo be a little more frigler’s after us! Quick! Let’s all grab a spanner and get toget smasler’s black and Stalin’s  it mig as , because in ttle cler and Stalin are th mean spanners and smashed faces.

    ar! I started t it again. It’s coming soon, t’s certain. But o say,  isn’t t matters, it’s ter-o, te-s, trunc cells ectives cers ill to t time, underneate  t to puke. It’s all going to  it? Some days I kno’s impossible, ot’s inevitable. t nig any rate, I kne o  tle lecturer’s voice.

    So perer all ttle cro’ll turn out on a er nigo listen to a lecture of t any rate in t it’s all about. tposts of an enormous army. ted ones, t rats to spot t ts are coming! Spanners ready, boys! Smaserrified of ture t raigo it like a rabbit diving dorictor’s t.

    And rut probably  make test difference. As for turer and ts in t’ll make plenty of difference to to  as usual. And yet it frigell you it frig started to opped and sat down.

    ttle sound of clapping t you get een people in tct said s  toget t  on for about ten minutes, full of a lot of stuff t nobody else understood, sucical materialism and tiny of tariat and urer, ood up and gave a summing-up t made trotskyist  on  pleased t  on unofficially for a bit longer. Nobody else did any talking.  ture ended. Probably to be a collection to pay for ttle aying to finising itcct sat and beamed at ing it all al notes, and to ttle open, and tac up to  looking up at t t . And finally I got up and began to put on my overcoat.

    t urned into a private rotle trotskyist and t o join t. As I edged my o get out, to me.

    ‘Mr Bo? If you were young, I mean.’

    I suppose  sixty.

    ‘You bet I ,’ I said. ‘I o go on  time.’

    ‘But to smash Fascism!’

    ‘Ohere’s been enough smashing done already, if you ask me.’

    ttle trotskyist criotism and betrayal of t t :

    ‘But you’re t  an ordinary imperialist ime it’s different. Look  ration camps and ting people up runc in eac it make your blood boil?’

    t your blood boiling. Just the war, I remember.

    ‘I  off told  a trench smells like.’

    And to see   moment.

    A very young eager face, migo a good-looking sco actually  tears in  as strongly as all t about t as a matter of fact I kne  brains, too. And ting beed ering figures in a ledger, counting piles of notes, bumsucking to tting auff’s ing over trencry cs of smoke. Probably some of ing in Spain. Of course  I   of years   of t sering  day in August er ENGLAND DECLARES AR ON GERMANY, and o t in our we aprons and cheered.

    ‘Listen son,’ I said, ‘you’ve got it all  it o be a glorious business. ell, it . It  a bloody mess. If it comes again, you keep out of it.  your body plugged full of lead? Keep it for some girl. You t I tell you it isn’t like t. You don’t -c isn’t like you imagine. You don’t feel like a  you’ve ink like a polecat, you’re pissing your bags , and your   t doesn’t matter a damn, eit’s t erwards.’

    Makes no impression of course. t t of date. Migand at t tracts.

    to clear off. itct aking turer s and ttle Je up toget it again arian solidarity and dialectic of tic and rotsky said in 1917. t ill, very black nigo ars and didn’t ligance you could rains booming along treet. I ed a drink, but it en and t pub o talk to, t talk in a pub. It  of not ly of teeture and t. I ed to talk about time t’s eit coming, ts and treamlined men from eastern Europe o talk to  occurred to me to go and look up old Porteous, we hours.

    Porteous is a retired public-scer.  of to imagine t kind married. Lives all alone o do for in and poetry and all t. I suppose t if t Book Club brancs Progress, old Porteous stands for Culture. Neits muc Bletchley.

    t tle room s reading till all . As I tapped on t door rolling out as usual, o keep triking looking call, ’s a bit discoloured but mig belong to a boy, t be nearly sixty. It’s funny y co look like boys till t’s somets. Old Porteous  a rolling up and do tle back t makes you feel t all t some poem or ot conscious of   seeing tten all over o er. mospin, Greek, and cricket.  all t and old grey flannel bags tes, and ts up  I bet  of vie of a bounder. I  been to a public sc knoin and don’t even  to. ells me sometimes t it’s a pity I’m ‘insensible to beauty’,  I’ve got no education. All table in t kind of o alk at all  drinks ed by  does you good to get out of it sometimes into a bacmospmosptering except books and poetry and Greek statues, and notioning imes t’s a comfort too.

    o t  dim  black. It’s a smallis for t up to telpiece t. A roobacco jar eous’s college on it, and a little eartold me ain in Sicily. Over telpiece tos of Greek statues. tepping out to catceous ime I sa, not knoter, I asked  stick a .

    Porteous started refilling elpiece.

    ‘t intolerable airs ,’ o live t of my life out of to knoion?’

    I told olerable’, and it tickles me, in 1938, to find someone objecting to eous rolling up and dos and  instantly alking about some la musical instruments t ime of Pericles. It’s al eous. All alk is about t uries ago. ever you start off  alo statues and poetry and tion tart telling you about Priremes. o kno any ne times, and takes a pride in telling you t o tures. Except for a fes like Keats and ords of vie t oug to have happened.

    I’m part of t I like to alk. roll round t first one book and ttle puffs of smoke, generally o translate it from tin or somet’s all kind of peaceful, kind of mellotle like a scer, and yet it sooten you aren’t in trains and gas bills and insurance companies. It’s all temples and olive trees, and peacocks and eleps, and cs and tridents, and s, and generals in brass armour galloping t’s funny t toned on to a c it’s one of tages of being fat t you can fit into almost any society. Besides  on common ground o dirty stories. t, t modern.  it, alells a story in a veiled kind of imes  some Latin poet and translate a smutty r to your imagination, or s about te lives of t  on in temples of Aso , teous  pograpings some would make your hair curl.

    ’s often done me a lot of good to go and alk eous. But tonig didn’t seem to. My mind ill running on t  as I’d done  Book Club lecturer, I didn’t exactly listen to o t eous’s didn’t. It oo peaceful, too Oxfordy. Finally, whing, I chipped in and said:

    ‘tell me, Porteous, ler?’

    Old Porteous  on t  took  of h.

    ‘ler? t think of him.’

    ‘But trouble is o bloody  him before he’s finished.’

    Old Porteous s at t like, t’s part of o be s smoke.

    ‘I see no reason for paying any attention to urer. these people come and go. Ephemeral, purely ephemeral.’

    I’m not certain  I stick to my point:

    ‘I t it . So’s Joe Stalin. t like t for t. ter somete ne’s never been heard of before.’

    ‘My dear fellohe sun.’

    Of course t’s a favourite saying of old Porteous’s.  ence of anytell  anyt’s  exactly tells you t te, or Mycenae, or ried to explain to  I’d felt uring and time t’s coming, but  listen. Merely repeated t t of t some Greek tyrant back in tainly migler’s ther.

    t  on for a bit. All day I’d been ing to talk to somebody about t’s funny. I’m not a fool, but I’m not a  normal times I don’t erests t you  expect a middle-aged seven- pound-a-o  I’ve enougo see t to is being sa ts. I can feel it ’s coming and I can see ter- police and telling you o t even exceptional in t I meet every t. And yet ory till it’s running out of  even see t t tler matters. Refuses to believe t fig  doesn’t enter muco s—  see s.  intelligent person tention to sucler and Stalin  someteous calls ‘ternal verities’  pass a tly as ivated Oxford blokes roll up and doudies full of books, quoting Latin tags and smoking good tobacco out of jars s of arms on t alking to  more c of toed off, as it alo t  o poetry. Finally old Porteous drags anot of t’s ‘Ode to a Nig ).

    So far as I’m concerned a little poetry goes a long  it’s a curious fact t I rateous reading it aloud. tion t  t, of course—used to reading to classes of boys.  somettle jets of smoke coming out, and  it moves  knory is or ’s supposed to do. I imagine it  on some people like music  actually listen, t’s to say I don’t take in t sometimes t brings a kind of peaceful feeling into my mind. On t. But someonig didn’t   felt t try!  is it? Just a voice, a bit of an eddy in t use  be against machine-guns?

    I c ts of Latin and Greek and poetry. And suddenly I remembered t almost t time I  t to t—t about magic casements, or somet struck me. . All people like t are dead.

    It struck me t per of t are dead. e say t a man’s dead ops and not before. It seems a bit arbitrary. After all, parts of your body don’t stop ake in a neeous is like t. onderfully learned, aste—but  capable of c says ts over and over again. t of people like t. Dead minds, stopped inside. Just keep moving backtle track, getting fainter all time, like gs.

    Old Porteous’s mind, I t, probably stopped  about time of t’s a gly t nearly all t people, t  to go round smas. t, but topped. t defend t o t see it, even  England  grasp t it’s just a left- over, a tiny corner t to   tern Europe, treamlined men s? track. Not long before tc people are paralysed. Dead men and live gorillas. Doesn’t seem to be anytween.

    I cleared out about er, ely failed to convince old Porteous t ler matters. I ill ts as I s. trains opped running. teeto ter in t into my pyjamas, and prised o t ’s funny, tremendous gloom t sometimes gets e at nig t moment tiny of Europe seemed to me more important t and to do tomorro plain foolis t move out of my mind. Still ts and ttling. t the hell a chap like me should care.